So, we're going at it on the sink when a German kid walks in and starts brushing his teeth. I love hostel sex.
there's another hole in my ceiling...someone fell through the attic this time....
Omg considering I am covered in cake and probably cocaine that is the greatest news I have ever heard
I honestly can't remember your justification for putting peanut butter on your cell phone.
Im sorry that my initial plan of you grabbing his dick didnt work out but Im glad you grabbed his heart
Day #3 of being the only sober person at the bar. This is depression.
I feel like I should be doing a victory lap around my house to the rocky music, or zapping and smiting people with my mystic wizard powers
My birthday is in 11 days. Going ham. Consciousness will not be an option
its not that I hate him, it's just that I wish his penis was attached to someone i like more
I'm definitely going to class still drunk right now and the freshman dressed as Hugh Heffner last night is texting me. I can't handle this.
no, but he did start crying. who the fuck is 30, covered in tattoos and crys about an ex? get your shit together, man.
I don't care how hot she is, her cat has pissed on me twice.
I'm by the tree and the Dora the explorer balloon .. Look for the Dora the explorer balloon
I have got to move on from this "sleeping with every drug dealer I meet" phase.
You literally asked him, “Do you come here often? Do you want to visit my vagina?” With no hesitation
Randomize
