ugh.. my birth control just came out of my nose. wtf?
She stuck a Big Gulp bend-y straw up his ass to see if he could handle anal.
Ew, and?!
Well he couldn't and the deal was he had to drink something using it afterwards.
We just got home. I got some malt liqour and a lottery ticket so I'm really doing a lot with my life right now
My room should be renamed "Land of the Misfit Condoms."
I'm literally partying with O.J. Simpson's son right now. I don't know what to make of this.
He blew a .19 and then slurred "well I did have some rum cake earlier today officer".
All of a sudden i love everyone. In all their flawed and failing beauty. This is pretty good weed.
I'm not worried. All I have to do is not be the drunkest painter at 8:00. Golden.
In the middle of me riding him, he stopped me and said "You're the kind of person who would be restrained for being obnoxiously drunk on an airplane, huh?"
I will gladly accept you into my home with open legs.
When you wake up on the bus on 139th but you're staying at 6th
133 to go
I drank so much that my feet don't feel like my feet
Im so hungover I just threw up at the sight of a CARTOON CRABBY PATTY
You some how ended up sleeping on one of the beams that run along the ceiling of your house
Our sex sesh was interrupted by a bunch of hobos fighting outside his apartment.
Randomize
