Sometimes I wonder if my friend studies mystic Christian theology because he's afraid to come out of the closet. Evidently, it's okay to talk about God coming inside you, but not to say the same about dudes.
her vagina looked like a handful of raisins.
Just told the nurse I wouldn't get on the scale. Told her to write FAT.
It's a shame that I don't know his last name. Actually, it's an ever bigger shame that I don't know his first name
dressing as green man for st patrick's day = free drinks all night long
I've been drunk so often this summer being sober is exciting
I know it sounds like a good idea, but doing Spanish homework at a bar just because the owners are Mexican and they give us margaritas really wasn't the best decision.
Was just explained ingredients in a four loko. Puzzles of the universe starting to piece together.
Even his old football coach jokes about how big it is. I don't want to be alone in a room with him and that monster.
My crowning drunk achievement from that night was donating $5 to the Obama campaign.
You're perfect
If your find a 12 pack on your doorstep consider it a gentleman's agreement to never speak of that night again
Who knew that the guy I fucked on your front lawn during welcome week freshman year would turn out to be my husband
Congrats you've received dick pics from an Olympic silver medalist
I am drunkenly riding a razor scooter up and down the hills of Cincinnati
What in the fuck are you doing with your life
when she didn't finish her burrito you wanted to call the cops because you said it was neglect
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