why did i make a hit list last night containing only McDonalds?
you tried to order a magarita mcflurry and when they said they didnt make those you tried to call 911
It was like doing yoga with his dick in me
this will be a night to untag.
Maid of honor is brides sister and single. Likes lemondrops. You're welcome.
Omg just remembered. I tried to kidnap a dog.
I WILL NOURISH YOU WITH SOUP AND PENIS!!!!!! And a sandwich of your choosing.......you like turkey?
It was right before we played jenga with champagne glasses for a good half hour
Just from watching vine I come to conclusion that all pornstars are dog hoarders.
WHY AM I CRAWLING IN OLDER MEN HOLY JESUS
Can we make sure camping doesn't turn into forest-orgy?
Lol, last year was UNREAL
Batteries died. I don't care that you're studying for the bar. Come over. Bring the law books and study after. I'll even make coffee.
Would you still love me if my nipple fell off?
I need to just embrace dildos and cats and call it a life.
You should of known that i was high if i refer to myself as melting into anything
I came twice AND he sent me home with edibles. I think he’s a keeper.
Randomize
