You should really figure out how to get me a picture that will pop up on my phone when you call
Just upload a picture of Bea Arthur. That's what my soul looks like these days
Last night i stole a disco ball from a frat house by pretending i was pregnant.
Just did free shots of tequila at a walmart. Hello Mexico
They were like stripper heels, except business stripper heels, the kind strippers would wear to court.
The drunk teletubby stumbling out of the place tipped me off..
Couple in the hotel room next to me keep fucking. When I hear her get close I call the room wait for them to stop and hang up. If I'm not getting any tonight then no one should.
Are we talking about who knows if I'll get naked pictures of you with a broadsword or who knows if I'll be surprised?
She was giving me head while we were in my tree house, my mom then came out to let the dog out so she stopped so I would stop groaning, was it good? You tell me
We tried the hang n bang, remember? You ruined it by crying and telling me you loved me while blowing me.
I broke my heels and ended up on a random party bus where I passed out after a brief stripper pole incident.
I just fist bumped God in my head for last night. What a bro.
But that's fine. Because I am an independent woman who is going to pull some jane Goodall shit and save the world one day......or be a porn star......either way they are going to wish they had fucked me.
Who's the easier target... Bandages on the knees, tramp stamp, or bra showing? Not in the mood to work for it tonight.
There aren't enough words in the English language to fully describe how worried I am for your dick. And the rest of you, I suppose.
He totally fucked me in his Chewbacca socks
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