glad my latex allergy prevents me from being a one-night stand whore
i wish they had a 'baby daddy' section in halmark, like, "hey, i know you didn't want this child and you're doing a horrible job, but here's to making you cry on fathers day"
I’m once again drinking at eight am on a Sunday in my tutu. This garment is literally my best purchase ever.
If its vodka, everyone is attractive. Tequila, everyone is dead sexy, single and fuckable.
you washed your face with toilet water last night.. i tried to stop you but you wouldn't have it.
Hey I have to teach you how to run in heels before vegas
what if his mom answers? its like high school, but hes 30
Living room yoga. I'm too hungover to deal with anyone else's chi today.
My only objective is to get drunk enough to forget the last 364 days.
Dude shes not that fat. Plus, last night I probably would've done it too.
well this is gonna sound really bad but we were fooling around on sandra's electrical wheelchair
When he opened the car door the whole thing fell off. Even that can be forgiven via his monster cock.
I should have listened to my dad and mean girls... If you have sex you'll get pregnant and die.
you wouldn't let anybody come in after ten. everybody was standing outside and you just yelled "BEING PUNCTUAL IS IMPORTANT" and slammed the door. i dont think you should be allowed to have parties anymore
it concerns me that i was already that drunk at 10
I explained to him that me turning straight is a once a year thing. And this boy just happens to be the chosen one.
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