You're perfectly engineered for doggy style
if you google earth my address you can see me getting out of my car. finally my moment of being famous
Jake just asked if thanksgiving was an american thing...I left the table
he fucked my hip out of place.
You pulled down your pants, pissed in the recliner, and wiped yourself with my utility bill. I thought it was in the worlds best interest to put you to bed.
well, I was going to forgive her anyway but not because shes my best friend and moreso because shes my drug dealer
He called me on my way to the bathroom and told me he wanted to hear me pee my beers out... That. Drunk.
it says 'tasty bitch' in sharpie on my tits...
Just to update you. I am dead. So your probably gonna have to find a new roommate
So I just went to 3 different stores because there is no way I can walk out of one store with this many reeses and still have my pride.
The night was crazy enough that we did a workout. Instructed by the bouncer at 2am
He told me to be a woman and make him dinner. So I threw a bagel at him and went out to dinner.
Dude I love you. So much. Thank u. I'm safea. In allysi lns car. Mine towed. If u loved me ud leand me 500 in the morning. Sleep on it nd let me know.
We had sex on a couch that was held together by Velcro. Want to know an unsexy sound? Velcro ripping apart under your bare ass.
At least they took the pillow of my bed before they had sex. My friends are so polite.
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