Hello rock bottom. My name is Jared. Nice to meet you.
which gay bar do you need a ride home from?
You know you are bi when you flip between the NFL Network and LOGO.
Just learned how to deliver a baby.the things i saw tonight can never be unseen
I just want you to know if you wake up tomorrow morning and wreak of mustard, I was not involved.
I'm pretty sure there was a language barrier but he knew what "harder" meant.
captain&coke to the library. STAT. this is an emergency. this is not a drill. I repeat: THIS IS NOT A DRILL.
He was so good, that I'm pretty sure he fucked his religion into me. P.S. I'm Jewish now.
She is sending me pics of her sex faces...which totally counts as sexting in my book
Ughhh I can't remember the last time "time fell back or springed forward" and I wasn't at the bar to argue about it :(
Yeah, but she is forever sending my vagina on some sort of mission.
Considering we're about to fuck, I really need your girlfriend to stop liking all my Facebook posts.
Note to self: never fuck a Canadian, surprisingly highly disappointing
On a scale of 1 to alcoholic in withdrawal how ready will you be to start drinking as soon as you arrive on campus?
Let's say we can see the evolution of our "relation" by his name in my phone. Pizza slice emoticone. Pizza guy. Jordan. Jo. Jackhammer Pizza Guy. Jockhammer pizza guy.
Thanks for supporting me through Robs retirement. I'm still in shock, but your dick helped.
Randomize
