Do you have swine flu?
I know my taste in men is not always top notch; however, I don't sleep with swine.
Pigs, yes. Swine, no.
Michael Bay is the white Tyler Perry.
I think I'm going to die by hangover. I'm in my spanish class. So I guess I'm going to be muerte.
You better have your party panties on Saturday!
Why only Saturday?
Well I have an AA meeting Sat morning so I'm going to try to take it easy Fri.
I woke up tied to the door handle with reindeer patterned socks. You can tell it's Christmas.
I'm gonna need a helmet and adult supervision by 9...
We have to have sex while I'm dressed as a tiger. It's one of my life goals
walk of shame to my ortho appointment. kids are staring. this little girl just asked her mom if she can havr glitter in her hair too.
I.V.'s should just be available for purchase at Walmart. God I'm dehydrated.
As I was sneaking out of his house last night his moms lover was sneaking in, he held the door for me...
I can't feel my clothes. I'm convinced I'm naked
We went the strip club and out of no where the waitress brings him over a quesadilla and a jäger bomb and says your usual!! He swore he had never been there before
I just moonwalked my socks off. THAT LAZY. THAT HIGH.
I got arrested in a leprechaun onesie
I just bought a bottle of dried bees on Etsy. I am the wrong person to talk you out of this.
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