ive come to realize my hair is a lot like my vagina. i put a bunch of shit in it with no result
I almost didn't wake up for my first day of work. The 3rd bottle of champagne was a mistake. And the 2nd bottle of wine after that was probably excessive
mom in a round about way told me to either donate my eggs or become a surrogate bcuz I need money.
i walked in and you were spoon feeding your sister grape juice out of a tupperware.
He waited exactly 18 minutes to booty call me after his break up.
Guess who left Professor Cunt on their paper by accident?
the boys love us. they call us "the stoner girl suite down the hall". not very inspired, but flattering nonetheless
she texted me out of nowhere. and I wanted to get drunk. like I didn't even have her new number until 6 hours ago and bam we were rolling around drinking cotton candy vodka from the bottle she had stuffed in a boot
I know you`re my best friend, but when i wake up with this bad of a hangover and no memories of last night, i dont want to see your tits ad my background.
My mom is wine drunk and on painkillers. As invigorating as that conversation was, it was also a dark glimpse into my future
I woke up with a massive hangover and realized I still had an entire bottle of tequila in my car...so yeah, working on tomorrow's hangover.
I'm shaved like a Brazilian hooker right now.
I have the flu.
I don't give a shit
I was walking back to the dorm and was made fun of for wearing a coat. I'M SORRY I CARE ABOUT MY WELL BEING.
I was just going for a one night stand and now I'm at breakfast with his entire family.
Woke up snuggling with a large wooden rhino that I stole last night...obviously, we had fun.
Randomize
