not only did i manage to get kicked out of the bar, i also got kicked out of denny's. i didnt even know that was possible.
maybe i'll see you again later :)
I'd rather shit a knife.
it looked like a condom graveyard when i woke up. they were everywhere
24 hours later and my vagina is still tingling. That good.
We followed the campus tour around in a golf cart drinking PBR and blasting "Sexual Healing."
Saddest moment ever is discovering when your cat no longer wants to get high with you.
going to a night class in lingerie so i can quickly go to his house after.
who dressed up as a cop at your party???
idk I have to check. Why?
he gave me the best strip search of my life. FIND HIM.
we told the drug dealer that our car was dead and we needed a jump so he would bring the drugs to us...
He won a jackpot and invited his ex girlfriend over to have sex on 5grand
She had an asthma attack and had to stop but insisted on getting me off. It's official she's the one
I hate college football. It's really fucking with our phone sex schedule.
As much as I want you to bang someone other than me, he is an asshole.
Well, I hope you're having fun. I'm just gonna lay here and wait for death - shouldn't be long now.
I have nice boobs. Don't wanna deprive anyone of the experience.
You're a saint.
Randomize
