Hope the move went well! I'll miss you!
you are a cunt and I hated living with you and your skeezy boyfriend.Just thought I'd get that out there.
i can't believe i haven't brushed my teeth. and i just kissed my grandma. I'm going to hell.
Sooo, drunk me had the sense of mind to write down everything that happened last night.....I bet you thought you'd get away with what you did to my parrot.
He just stabbed two olives and a pickle with a fork and deep throated it in front of my family
Not even marginally surprised
She kept saying my hands are a cupcake factory
its not a holiday until ive ruined the family picture because im drunk
You're really doing everyone a disservice by wearing pants all the time.
Well for starters the people who just made my burger at the grab and go just told me to "hang in there"
There is no try. Just do it. Yoda said that. Or Nike. I can't remember. whiskey
You know the cave of wonders in Aladdin? That's how I feel about his apartment. Except with blow and other treasures.
i feel like spreading the word of drunken joy.
I just found a piece of squished oatmeal cream pie in my armpit. So very sad.
Just realized I chose a bacon cheeseburger over sex last night
Why is there a slipper full of piss in my bedroom?
She's got a shotglass necklace, running down the street asking people to "fill her up". Get here.
Randomize
