The only reason I'm still around is so I can grow a huge Gandalf beard when my hair turns gray
I just five second ruled a donut I dropped at starbucks, everyones staring
When I told her that her boyfriend was making out with another chick, all she said was "which one"
I just ran into the married chick you banged 2 years ago at our apt! She asked me if I could get her coke! Memories bro. Memories
Sorry about sucking tonight. Drunk truck fucking is apparently not my strong point.
We're in the kiddy pool eating marshmellows and drinking wine out of a box. Please dress casual.
I can't remember much from that party after we snapchatted my dancing boobs to all of her contacts
There arew tilmes ina man's life when christmaas. THerew are times in a man's lfie when drunk texts from a bathrom hyufgirto. So, you know, merry chriastmans.
Went home w the NY Islander in a NY Rangers jersey, needless to say he was pissed
It's not even 7 yet. She's singing you are my sunshine to the smirnoff bottle.
My mom just said "okay girls, the ONLY thing i ask is that you stay sober Saturday afternoon, until halfway through lunch. And you don't wear that crystal camo hat. This is a funeral, not a tailgate party"
Best wishes.
I almost accidentally threw him out a window during sex last night.
Nope. Im a prince of the americas. I treat my women like future queens. Also, im drunk watching the royal wedding
So you can now add nose to my list of places that cum has gone that it shouldn't...
just went home with a guy that made fun of me in elementary school. this blow job is not going well for him.
Randomize
