Why does everyone think all I do is drink? I go to class on wednesdays
Please don't ever try giving my cat a hair cut ever ever again
i can't understand anything he's saying. But he spells alcohol right everytime so i deciphered it.
I once puked on the side of the hwy driving home and it somehow made me feel more Canadian. So don't rule it out
I drank butter last night, who am I to judge?
Side note... I would pay good money to have witnessed the reaction of onlookers as I sprinted down Armtiage with a 15 lb bag of peanuts under my arm
Oh I will totally be your beard, but on one condition I get to watch you and your boy friend have sex.
So your brother is gay after all... Just caught him making out with my brother... Apparently he's gay too
I found your dog. Now we are bros, so he is staying. Don't call, don't make it weird.
My walk of shame was four miles long and I had to stop for a water break. I am the picture of class.
I'm ordering sushi and crying over finals. Come over and bring wine.
Hey kevin, it's Ashlee. I have been trying to get ahold of you. Your pledge gave me your number. I really wanted to apologize for shitting in your car I'll buy new upholstery or pay to have it shampooed if needed. I'm so embarrassed.
It's really life affirming to be at a wedding thinking wow I took your husbands virginity
Anyways enough about genital fatigue...
Someone puked in my crockpot. Your friends can’t come over any more.
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