Woke up in a different state, wearing only a bk crown. My boxers are in a tree and I think I went to the hospital last night.....
I told you not to do acid with the girl who works the late shift at 7-11
The cops just drove by on their loudspeaker going DO NOT DRINK THE WATAHH
I love boston
Sorry I didn't wanna double team his sister. Having whiskey dick and watching you get laid didn't sound appealing
Ok cool. Ill pick up liquor because, well let's be honest, we don't need an excuse anymore.
the recent google searches were "were can i buy a porn horse, why does my heart hurt after drinking, and orlando's teen night..." your thought process perplexes me
waking up outside has become so normal, the paper boy knows to set the paper next to me
Ive yelled into your vagina. There are few lines we haven't crossed at this point.
Dear slutty diary: I lied about feeling guilty of being a homewrecker in order to have more sex. it worked.
i don't knpow whats goin on i think theyre sacrificeing me to th tequila gods
On a Thurs night I found myself drunk in a limo w 9 dudes on my way to a strip club. Once there I was handed $100 in ones and told "spend it." I need a husband. Or Jesus.
That's the second time the same cop pulled me over well a different girl was giving me road head
As you were leaving you yelled at the owners that the stairs weren't suitable for "intoxacapated" people and promptly fell down them.
So I WAS right.
I just had a man tell me he was going to think about me when he was fucking his wife tonight. This is my proudest moment as a gay.
He fucked me while I was smoking his blunt. His apartment was trashed and he drives a van that looks like it’s been hit by a train but still 10/10 would fuck again.
There's so many drinking games in the Olympics.
you missed out this chick was licking her paddle
Randomize
