he recorded me cumming with the t-pain app on his iphone
you got me arrested i just think that goes without question you owe me a blowjob
This is probably the only time in my life I'm going to be able to say I'm going to the hospital too smoke weed and play Mario kart.
asked the cab driver where he learned Swahili last night.
I need to stop drinking and eating and start working out. I look like the lovechild of John Goodman and Jabba the Hutt.
A "Tom-vomit" is when you puke but cough as it comes up, so you close you mouth as a natural reaction and the vomit is jet-propelled out your noise.
Sounds like she has 4 first names. Like a sad version of Ricky bobby
She just won 2 Grammys at 17 and were sitting here hotboxing our half bathroom
You jumped into so many bushes for no reason
I gave him morning sex, a bag of cookies, and dropped him off at work. I believe I deserve the "best hookup award."
Give me an out of order sign and caution tape and we can have sex practically anywhere.
I got her number but I don't think I'll be able to smash, I was pretending to be British AND I forgot her name
*6am blends another margarita* *615am blends straight tequila*
It was an interesting experience to have sex while there was a triathlon going on right outside my bedroom window because it sounded like everyone is cheering for you in bed.
How supportive!
its been well over a year and hes still saying sex with me was epic
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