I'm curled up in a ball on the floor of my office with the lights off. I hope no one notices. No more open bar. Woof.
i am sick of getting naked and seeing how fat i am.
You got off, kissed my dick and whispered "stay hard" to it, puked and then got right back on top of me like nothing happened...
Just think, if your stepsister would've gotten knocked up 2 years earlier, she could've had a TV show. What a bitch.
I just woke up to pictures of every angle of his dick I'll ever need to see.
She set an alarm on my phone for her birthday. Place: Her bed.
She called all of my friends to find out where I was last night. 7 out of ten said their place.
he was too drunk to climb up my loft. i owe my beating teen pregnancy to four pieces of steel
The best revenge is living well. Or pooping in his sunroof. Either or
Since I fall down so much at parties I've started doing this new thing where when I fall I just yell FLOOR PARTY and make people bring the party to me
He said he wanted to "superfuck" me
Does he wear a cape??
I fell asleep on the floor again. i dont want help, just a pillow. its kind of nice down here.
I just got a lecture from your coked out sister about the monetary value of Dothraki hair braids. Take her home.
She helped me out of the car and i face planted into the snow.....and just stayed there and took like a 30 min nap.
Sorry, Geoff can’t come to his phone right now. He’s outside trying to show his dick to a bachelorette party bus with “DTF” written on the windows
Randomize
