you dont want to live with me, im always naked, a chronic masturbator, a bit of a voyeur and will likely touch you while you sleep. ps- i can pick locks
i suspect the closest i'll get to a valentine this year is a 16 year old on chat roulette asking me to show my tits. step up from last year, i guess.
MIND BOGGLER: batman and jesus are the same person. Think about it.
Sorry 4 leaving u in the dumpster last night
Not a chance. She stuck her hand under my kilt and she told the whole table I was indeed commando. She broke all the rules.
thanks for not telling him i named my trumpet after his dick
Holy shit there is too much Taco Bell here to talk to you
Oh no. Did we do a blood oath again?!
Oh my fucking god, I was conceived on the first date.
All I wanted was to die alone with my dogs....how did I end up here
I don't know if I should laugh or punch you
Who the fuck just called me and played funkytown
she was sitting with her tits completely out.. on the kitchen floor..eating pickles by the handful... rapping mac dre... and then lit up a cig and continued...that drunk
I just thought you should know... Instead of a glass of wine before bed I am having a few shots of 1800. This is what being a night shift nurse will do to you... Standing in your kitchen in your undies doing shots
I could not add him. He gets 5 likes on Instagram.
I honestly think sometimes all you need is a $2 alcoholic punch poured from a jug into a big glass to feel better. I guess abblebees is my new problematic fav
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