come home now. i got a twizzler tangled in my hair again
He was taking the caps off the vodka bottles and throwing them out the window so we'd have to finish them. Engineers have the best logic.
I DONT WANT TO PLUS I THINK I FLUSHED MY KEYS DOWN THE TOILET WHILE I WAS PEEING
we were totes just talking about. huu in the bathbub. 5 girlszzz
You asked her to play "the coma game" with you while hooking up, and then passed out in her bed. She couldn't wake you up so she slept on the floor.
Looks like I won that one
We'll find out our level of friendship after tonight. You'll be helping me move a body. My body.
Which outfit says "I'm sorry for your loss but we're still banging later"?
hey dude my crackhead idol just taught me a great way to tie shoes
Yo this huge scar on my head from the car accident is truly a vag magnet. Probably because I'm telling people I was attacked by a mountain lion and killed it with my bare hands. But hey when life gives you lemons, you use them to get pussy
Today, my weed came in a pokéball. I officially love my dealer.
She looked so much better when u didn't look at her and the music was too loud to hear her
i like beer, sex, and cooking. what more can he want?
Sitting in a music store. There is a 40 something year old guy in a track suit, with a boner, and playing the ukelelie quite intensely.
thanks for thinking of me.
I just don't understand why we can't have sex in the house. I'll come see you but I'll have to think about the barn thing.
You don't have to buy me dinner, watch tv or even hang out if you don't want. Just fuck.
Randomize
