My boogers are black from last night. So that's either from all the colored hairspray or inhaling all of the tragedy from the party...
Some guy just delivered flowers to my roommate cause he fell off a roof onto her at a party last night. I think they have a date tomorrow.
Just drove through Taco Johns wearing a drug rug and no pants. When I rolled down my window, the girl paused for a minute before saying "um... 4.07"
He might have if you were a little more subtle about your feelings instead of telling everyone multiple times how much you wanted his dick
Now I know he's not trying to fuck me. He took me to lunch at White Castle.
Ps we ordered a pizza at the pool today and I dropped the entire thing in the pool. We still ate it. #canthang
ARTHUR IS ON FUCKING NETFLIX THIS IS NOT A DRILL.
Its official... I need to stop being so slutty.. the guy I had sex with on friday delivered my jimmy johns tonight.
I mean it could have been worse, I could have been sober.
Yeah so then I used the selfie stick his mom gave me to take nudes
also I was promised more toga parties by popular media
My mom always wanted to raise a classy lady, it just turned out to not be her daughter.
Did I tell you he put a lobster carcass on his dick?
I blacked out in the cab last night... Cant remember getting in the front door, also i got into bed with my grandma.
Just to let you know we went to the circus yesterday...in case you didn't remember
Randomize