I am not sure how to feel about the fact that I was turned on by someone with a penis. I can't believe Lady Gaga would do this to me. :(
My mom just said we needed to put weed into our earthquake kit.
the lighter is IN the bong. I don't know what to do
i've never seen someone face fit so perfectly in a toilet bowl
Maid of honor is brides sister and single. Likes lemondrops. You're welcome.
...She was shooting whiskey using a turkey baster...i was horrified.
at which point he tried to give himself a prince albert piercing with the stapler on his desk.
I would take a bullet for Beyonce's baby
ecstacy + fleshlight = not all that upset about being newly single anymore
You don't know commitment until you try and waterproof a non-waterproof vibrator
Just an FYI if we break up I'm going to sleep with your cousin or who ever my dealer is.
I really don't know where my pants are, but that's not the problem. When are you going to unlock the door?
I ripped off the screen and literally supermaned through my bedroom window. That wasted
I made it to work. Still drunk. Definitely pregnant.
I met a guy last night who bought me a book on Amazon at the bar and then we had sex. Boners for books is a thing. Boom.
Randomize
