Ps there is totally a drug addled prostitute in olympic pizza asking for change for a 100 bill
Ha i know. My vag can't go too crazy for a boy halfway across the country. It doesn't have that good of range
If Curt Schilling could pitch a game with that blood-filled sock... if Tiger Woods won the 2008 US Open with a torn ligament, then I'd be an embarrassment to the human race if I couldn't manage to at least jerk him off even if I was still crying after he put it in my butt.
And he just showed me his vera bradley wallet...
i just taught a 3 year ld how to do a jager bomb, i cant wait to have kids
Yeah. We was talkin. Its ok. My bed is too filled with pam for sex. Its like a slip and slide of butter product.
Don't text me when you know I'm doing lines on my phone
Unemployment check just came in. As soon as I stop pretending I have morals I'm buying weed. Puff puff pass uncle sam.
Just described your amazing cock to a complete stranger. I am officially the worst wingman (chick) ever.
Everyone was trying to get you to do a keg stand but you refused & instead declared you could do it yourself, crouched on the keg in your 6 inch heels, leaned over, and gave yourself one.
it is shots o' clock and I am never late
Have you ever felt like autocorrect is judging you with its suggested words? Like how it won't suggest certain words until you type in pretty much the entire word, is it just thinking 'No way did this dude use "consent laws" in the same sentence as "17th?" Or is that just me.
Just spilled a coffee mug full of scolding hot oatmeal on my bare dick. Hope you're having a good Friday night too.
He said did you just interrupt me midsentence to admire another man's penis?
Wanna bang and Pregame work? I know you're the manager just promise to not fire me
Randomize
