I woke up in a stranger's bathtub with a broken shower curtain as my blanket.
I made her dinner: Beefaroni with grated parmesan cheese on top. Luckily she showed up drunk and gave me head, "For spending so much time preparing."
I understand that I gave you a nose bleed with a cheeto last night and for that I apologize
Its 4 am and he honestly tried throwing pizza at his ceiling for decorations
whoever set the energy saving light timer in the lobby bathroom cleraly has no concept how long a work dump takes
We woke up, fucked twice, she drank 3 warm heinekins to cure her hangover and said "Im glad you're still hott when im sober"
Well, when he's back from China he's probably gonna be pissed I used the spare key he gave me to prove to everyone I'm fucking an NBA player. We took all his booze too.
You know it's been a good thanksgiving when you pee all over your own hands.
During your work shift I was either: a) stoned. b) high. c)stoned. or d) high.
Will i get arrested If i steal the salvatiion arny guys bell for ringing it to close to my hangover
He started humming whilst eating me out. At first it was weird, but my new motto is now don't knock it before you've cum from it
I just went through the Wendy's drive thru only wearing a towel. My life has hit an all time low
As a heterosexual male nursing student, the odds are ever in my favor. My first semester has basically been The Horny Games. I've killed almost all of the competitors at this point.
She wasn't one for labels or anything serious really but while she was riding me she yelled marry me. It's like she fucked her self into commitment lmao she realy is a keeper bro
bullshit you weren't drunk, you pointed at me and said my cigarette was empty
Randomize
