Where were you when I was single???
Still in diapers.
Omg. There's def a kid, like 10 years old, sitting in a buggy at wal mart holding a sign that reads "I can't behave"
she made me put on a condom before giving me a handjob...this is why i hate freshmen
woke up this morning to find the entire staircase covered in marinara sauce, with my roommate practically sobbing and scrubbing the wall with carpet cleaner.
The tornado sirens were going off and everyone just ran to the liquor store. .
i'm sitting in the second floor bathroom drinking coronas in the shower. do not find me.
You keep saying things....but all I'm hearing is kegs
The ultimate Father's Day bonding experience: Both getting bailed out of jail by mom for mooning some shithead cop.
Most senic walk of shame ever. This is why you go to school in Hawaii.
You made a course evaluation for your vagina? Wow. You really are a professor now.
I have to pee in a cup in the morning and they are going to say....you just peed a miller light. I'm going to hang my head in shame and say yes...yes I did.
I just had some kinky fun in the back seat of my car behind a Ralph's in south county. How's your thanksgiving eve?
Senior week was like trying to herd cats. Very drunk cats.
Nothing like a dick pic from your fave ex to make you audibly exhale sadly.
all I remember is grinding on everyone in the room regardless of gender and quoting the lion king non-stop. We need to stop buying Jameson.
Randomize
