three words: i give head
three words: not that well
The girl behind me at the dollar store said couldn't wait to get her permit, then requested a pregnancy test. God I love being home.
Stop trying to talk to my friends!!
then get some ugly ones...
Do your friends by chance have our inflatable deer head?
Nevermind, it's in the dryer.
Need your help. He's locked himself in the bathroom with his bong and his childhood collection of Goosebumps books.
he needs to stop knowing everyone on campus...it's making cheating on him really difficult.
You're in a tuxedo, you can pee wherever you want.
I just saw an appointment in my phone called "it's been a month" I think I drunkly did that after I slept with Paul to remind myself to check if I got knocked up... I'm smarter drunk than sober.
We got back from Mcdonalds and literally 5 minutes of being in your room, you wanted to go back because "We haven't been yet."
How are ur friends?
One is peeing in the grass and the other is asleep under the stairs. Fuck them I'm sleeping in the car
My roomate has me out looking for easter kegs hidden arround town
Wellp yesterday was spent absurdly hungover and today was spent in planned parenthood so I hope that's not an indication of the year to come
I just wrote a love letter to my weed and texted it to my cousin. I can't say it any differently. It happened.
I tried eating pop-rocks while giving him a bj, I honestly think I was more disappointed with the results than he was.
you know it was a good night when you wake up with a medal around your neck
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