I feel miserable, can't drink that much when I go out
We've been saying that since '98
I had sex with him, and then he gave me a $5 Starbucks gift card. Totally worth it
I'm at the laundry mat. This guy is here showing me his ankle monitor. The weird ones always find me.
i'm having flashbacks of crying and telling you i was made out of egg salad.
Just used water from the fish tank for the bong. Thank you fishy.
I just saw my first passed out person, sprawled out on the sidewalk like they died. I wanted to take a pic but I thought that screamed "tourist"
Are you sighing at your phone and judging me right now?
my head hurts. i need an adult
and not like a cool parent adult. like a full fledged party pooper grandparent adult
whose ass print is on the piano?
I just want to be covered in whipped cream and spanked, is that too much to ask?
Yup he definitely fell asleep. I'm trying to bone an old man
I just threw up all of my lunch in the Barnes & Nobles parking lot. Rockbottom tastes like a veggie burger, in case you were wondering.
Is there a classy way to tell him that to thank him for his service I would like to put his dick in my mouth?
"Happy Veterans Day! Now pull down your pants."
Can you come unlock the door? I just peed myself on the porch.
dude can you explain to me why i woke up on your sisters floor with moutain dew and chips everywhere
i dont know im at your house.
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