i found out what alaskan girls practice during those six months of darkness
my girls lil sis wanted to play hide & seek. she told her 2 go hide. we went to the room and had sex. she was hiding under the bed.
There's a mirror laying face down next to me. A looooong full body mirror. By the looks of it it fell off the wall last night and was within centimeters of shattering on my head. Awesome.
Don't park in the garage. I installed a stripper pole while drunk and it's kinda in the way
There was a suspicious looking plate that suggests I may have eaten salad with gravy
Oh wow. Was walking and just saw her in the pool, fully clothed, ranting on an alligator float. I guess i should go get her before security gets here.
You said that "grilled cheese was much to complex" and started to throw the buttered bread at the wall while eating all the cheese.
Got home last night and found a Big Mac in the shower, tampons all over the place, and two pairs of your panties on the front porch.
He is like a dragon that makes me want to spread my butt cheeks, so he can fill me with hot fire.
Its official. The summoning powers of my vagina are unmatched by anything in this world
Is it acceptable to pay for WiFi on flights solely for the purpose of getting on Tinder to find a sugar daddy on the plane that doesn’t mind upgrading me to first class?
Do it. You’re flying for two weddings. You’re gonna need that first class.
Just to clear things up, yes you did lick the strippers butt
My life. Always pantsless and occasionally topless.
He just told me my boobs made up for all the bad things that had ever happened to him. I'm definately having sex with him again.
Turns out dignity is priceless and Plan B costs $41.09
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