Someone's got a whale tail
A thong is hangin out?
No, a fatty following them
That was rough. We had a 50% puke rate and 100% still drunk rate at lunch
please pick me up with an explanation of why i shacked in a trailer with a guy who doesnt have a car.
I opened up her dishwasher and all I found was a spoon, a juice glass and all her sex toys.
I'm at the psychiatrist, and this lady is crazy.. she keeps yelling about how her HMO insurance gave her breast cancer? Adderall isn't worth this.
I need to remember that good judgment goes out the window after the 7th shot and the 3rd Lady GaGa song.
bring money and cleavage
On the bright side his mom approves of me. Though it's apparently because she sleeps with married men and has a soft spot for "fellow homewreckers"
We are not on the "bring me breakfast" level. He's bringing me penis if I ask for breakfast too I'll just sound greedy
Don't ask me how or why, but I'm drunk with German diplomats. Come over. Now
Have you ever noticed that the cities in car commercials look really futuristic?
...did you eat that brownie?
I just swallowed some ecstasy stuck in my nose from last night. Work should be interesting.
Dollars spent: $83, Girls kissed: 4, Girls slept with:2, Girls currently making me breakfast: 1, Fucks given: 0
I woke up in the bathroom clutching a stuffed shark. My night was fantastic, thanks for asking.
My mother just set me up with the son of the man I fucked last weekend. I could crawl under a rock and die OR I could remember the rules of genetics and hope that JR takes after daddy. Wish me luck...
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