He told me i was the nicest person he's ever arrested for DUI
I will fuck a handful of worms if you hold them
She told me that she faked her orgasm. Does she think I care??
just did awkward shuffle by the bagels in the dining hall at 7:30 AM with a kid i've hooked up with. goodbye freshman year.
That's like lying to my vagina. I can't betray it like that.
I'm pretty sure you thought I could absorb alcohol through my dress
I need to have sex with you on our hotel room window ledge... This is a need not a request.
I just had some guy offer to eat me out on my lunch break... I think single life is getting better everyday
My clit is not a Gobstopper. Cut it out.
Ya I know. She's self aware though, like the terminator. Which is the best kind of crazy
i made the walk of shame wearing her booty shorts that said juicy on the back. i'm still counting it as a good night
And then he dove into my vagina like scrooge mcduck into a room of gold
We just got home a lil bit ago. No sorority girls showed except the ugly swimmer chick and she asked if I've ever faked an orgasm.
The most adult decision I've mad today was Jameson or Fireball? It's been a successful Day
Dude, I totally just made my launch phrase on my new phone "Wingardium Leviosa" so that when people try it and it doesn't work I can say, "It's leveeOHsa, not leveeoh-SA."
Randomize