just landed in detroit. Currently holding a bag of my own vomit. neighbor told me it was the most graceful vom she has ever seen. Kicking off bar exam week in style.
Found my sandals in your freezer this morning, THANKS
the way she shouted out instructions during sex made me feel like I was having sex with my gym teacher
Two girls are now jumping in the ocean naked at 10 PM...and I was just starting to hate Ocean City
I wanna get so drunk next week I throw up on a guy's genitals. I want to be that memorable for someone.
I just don't get it. Video games don't suck his dick.
he asked you how you felt and you yelled "I FEEL SO PROACTIVE!" and started coloring with sharpies
You tried to call "time out" during the sobriety test.
These shoes are like walking on sunshine and labias. So soft and squishy
Alls I remember is making out with that chick.
Nope that was a dude
I am not being the messenger for your booty call.
I spoon fed you cheerios when you were black out drunk. You owe me one.
Chang gave me a 1.5 gallon beer tasting cup, i have a new boyfriend with a huge stick, Members of the Irish Rugby team slapped my ass and cheered for firmness, and a couple of strangers are naming the child after me. Best. Weekend.Ever.
HELP! How do I get paint off the dog?
Amazon.com "suggested" I buy both nipple clamps and opera gloves.
I went on a psycho cleaning spree so I feel I've earned the right to spend the day in bed watching porn and eating sausage biscuits. If you bring alcohol you can join me.
All other girlfriends are inferior. You are the chosen one.
Randomize
