Yeah I gave the girl a dirty look. And only a three dollar tip.
Dude my mom stole all your condoms
I don't even know what he looks like, all i've seen of him is his dick
the rest of him looks just as crooked
I love how my brain works. It's like being on drugs without the costly upkeep.
He noticed there was ketchup on his shirt and took it off. Noticed there were people there and put it back on. Then he saw the ketchup again. He must have taken his shirt on and off about 6 times
At the hospital. Forgot we locked Eric out of the house last night as a joke. Hypothermia's a bitch.
we took shots then she made me eat a dill pickle with cream cheese wrapped in a piece of turkey.
He doesn't need to speak English. He needs to speak sex.
stuck in traffic next to occupy boston. smells like patchouli and unshaven pubes
You kept saying,"there's a seahorse in my stomach, who's trying escape". This was after the curtains attacked you.
I'm thinking about slathering myself with peanut butter and going to the dog park. What's the worst that could happen?
and everyone will high five me and girls will approach me offering blowjobs
So what if I got a tattoo on a bus, it was sterile.
I sleep better at night when I win things. I never really weep for others.
Since when do my one night stands start sending you friend requests?
Randomize
