hey im gonna send you a picture of my dinner
if its a picture of your dick again we are no longer friends
he started yelling "squirt for me" then his girlfriend knocked on the door and told us to keep it down
i'm not really understanding how she couldn't figure out it was him
So we went to home depot to buy supplies to build a beer bong but ended up buying an office water cooler that were going to put vodka in
I'm in a hotel full of Marines. I'm leaving here pregnant.
I don't think he knows what shame means anymore. He gave some bar slut his sisters Tiffanys necklace, in exchange for anal.
Math equation of the day: 4 waffles + 1 bowl of weed = 1 terrific nap
Beer bonging to Ave Maria
Seeing your one night stand on campus never gets less awkward. Why is Subway the only good place to eat?
OH FOR FUCKS SAKE! SOMEONE TOOK ME FOR A GODDAMN PROSTITUTE!! IM WEARING LEG WARMERS!!! THAT IS LIKE THE LEAST HOOKERISH THING TO WEAR!
As a Chick-Fil-A employee, I think you'd appreciate the visual of me almost accidentally pulling out my wallet with a thong hooked on it as I payed for my waffle fries just now.
We were escorted through the guys dorm by 5 kids with nerf guns and zelda shields. I felt like the president with a fucked up secret service squad.
Sometimes i like to think we arent living together next year and that im living with models that like to experiment but you ruin that fantasy time and time again
I spy something regrettable...
Oh my god. Stop!! It was one time and I still can't believe it.
Why did I not realize how important my fridge was till I was drunk. It keeps all my food cold its like my own cold box
Wanna guess where my charger was last night.....in my cooler with my beer. I put it in there because I knew I would never forget my beer.
Randomize
