my ass hurt today after the party last night. I wnt to the doctors and they found a coin in a ziplock bag with a note from you. WHAT THE FUCK DID U DO TO ME???
i'm almost done photoshopping my face on his wife. it's a done deal
Why am I in a dog kennel?
It was for your own safety
First date: that requires underwear, huh?
If she wants to think that freshman 15 means sleeping with 15 guys than so be it I just gotta make sure I'm one of them.
He woke up licked his hand and put it on my vag and went back to sleep. This is twice this week and its only wednesday
Sexual tension squid is drowning in the sexual tension
I'm lying topless with an eye infection at the foot of my bed with a dog between my legs. With disney in the background. Its one of those 3 am moments
Come over, we're having a tea party. And by a tea party I mean we're drinking whiskey from tea cups.
Because everyone is allowed one half drunken 7:30 am walk back to campus in a cowgirl costume, right?
New year means new boundaries for the Brazilian lady.. I'm pretty sure I got wax on my asshole
The next time you fuck up, your grandma sees your dick pics
I need an inhaler full of pot for all of this breathless rage.
I'm way too sober and people are way too heterosexual
My vibrator broke.
Dude it's been less than twelve hours. Did you sleep?
Don't worry about that. I need a new vibrator.
Randomize
