I guess what I'm trying to say is you've fucked more people than the economy.
i wonder if detective benson from law and order takes those handcuffs home. i bet she does.
Seriously. Doesn't matter if I went out last night, work is like crafts class w.a side of facebook
just learned how to wash a penis. thank you nursing school for getting me the most action i've had in months.
She said her tits were too big, and he slapped her. He said that Jesus didn't appreciate bitches that fish for compliments
Someone just asked me if ur the girl that fell through the floor. I HAD to say yes.
all im saying is that if he was a normal person, he would have fucked me by now.
Dude. I realize why I got sick. 8 shots three beers in an hour. Plus I ate an expired lunchable earlier.
She got the hiccups while deep throating me. It was epic. Once in a lifetime experience.
I'm drunk at 3:28
I'm jealous as shit at 3:34
Like woke up with a dick piercing kind of drunk.
Hey man, when I left for work she was laying on the couch naked cuddling your keurig, can you clean that mess up?
So in my DUI class I had to write down 3 people I'd call if I needed to talk and why...they all want to meet you now...
Just learned that the cute guy I've been flirting with at the beach this whole time is actually an inmate working in the community instead of being in prison.. My life is unreal
My drug dealer was just on ESPN..
Randomize
