i just realized i dont have a sober facebook picture since 2007
You left your underwear on the fireplace
I have no idea why I said that. I have no idea why anything happened last night, I broke my toaster making a egg. I'm going to quit drinking.
I would say I'm the man in the relationship but I'm cuddled on the couch eating cake mix and water.
It's official. This guy and I are going gay for each other. We're tasting the fucking rainbow.
holy shit i just had sex in a phone booth i so feel young again
I decided staying home, watching porn and masterbating was a much better choice than the gym. And I was right.
Speaking of boners I learned how to say " jizz everywhere" in sign language
He asked me if I wanted to blow his whistle and proceeded to pull out an actual whistle.
Her weave came out on the dance floor. She was twerking and shaking one minute and her hair flew across the dance floor the next. Great way to be introduced to the family
I downloaded the presidential playlists for offline listening. And Obama made a night one so we have presidential approved fuck jamzzzzz. Thanks Obama!
Foreplay went from me being a bank teller and him a customer to us actually having to go to the bank so we would make rent
The guy in the room next to me just offered to hide the next dose of morphine he will get for his broken leg under his tongue and then swap it with me in exchange for a roll of the good toilet paper my parent brought for me last they visited. The psych ward is a lot more hardcore than I thought.
You hear the wildest shit in a Walmart bathroom.
Just had an emotional break through with the dog. That high.
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