Ok I love you more. To infumty and beyong.
Just woke up. First thing I see: Little brother eating last night's jello shots thinking they're reg jello.
My financial advisor pointed out that 37% of my income is currently going towards "non-essential food items"
That's banker lingo for "you're an alcoholic"
I don't know what happened to get you in this mentality. This time last year your were ass up on a hotel bathroom counter getting licked by a stranger.
Its not even 10am and we are talking about what guys assholes we would finger.
Im trying to find an appropriate gift to your mom for getting both you and your sister on birth control within a week, any suggestions?
Well that's another check off the sexual bucketlist of things I never wanted to experience.
I learned so much about myself in that shower.
I have a strong contender for the new number 1 position for fwb. He met me at the door with pizza and a shot of patron
I can't take my grandparents out somewhere where I've fucked half the staff.
And now I'm taking a break sitting on the bathroom floor thanking god that people who eat at subway are either too classy to piss on the floor, or are still relatively sober enough to not piss on the floor before 5pm.
It's your birthday, you should get to jizz where you want to. Jizz when you want tooo
Next time I pee on a car, I'll text you.
I hate waking up to a room that reeks of bad decisions...
Guess who cheated on their SATs? Also on the same line guess who's getting in to Princeton at damn near free of charge?
Randomize
