I swear if she hugs me I'm going to bleach my body
how do flat chested girls get laid?
we do all of our sexting over chat on words with friends, so my boyfriend doesn't know about it when he looks at my texts.
Can we please stop calling your vagina the cave of wonders?
dude, i woke up with a mini keg on my night stand. again. like wtf
Not sure why, but I was running back and forth across the road. Cab hit me and gave us a free ride home.
That's the first time I've ever heard something that tickled both my gag reflex and my penis simultaneously.
IM A SHIT SUOW THE GUYS AT THE PMACR TOLD ME AJDBO I WEBF RO WALNARY WITH OU SHOES! I WASHT LLOWES FLOWERSA
Something bad happened. I'm just giving you some notice. So you can smoke some pot and hide all sharp items in the house.
I caught myself flirting with clients today. Someone needs to take me to pound town before I self destruct. This is a code red. I repeat code red.
The only flat surface we had was a cheez it box so we snorted the blow off of that. Rock bottom really isn't that bad.
What happened last night? I'm too scared to get out of bed and see the destruction.
First of all, check to see if that naked guy is still alive. He didn't look to be breathing when I left
When my parents ask, do you think "he was the cop I gave head to in order to get out of a speeding ticket" will suffice as to how we met?
At Target. Everyone is stocking up on food and flashlights for this storm. I stocked up on beer. Dont judge me, it was on sale...
Apologies that our conversations always turn to butt sex or penis size. I thought we out grew that in our 20's.
Randomize