where are my pants?
you were passing out with two blankets and the person next to you was cold so you gave him your pants to keep warm
Church boner. Awkwardddd
It's amazing the difference a day and 2000 mg of antibiotic make. Nine days to go.
good news. according to wikipedia, my blackout might just have been "post-trauma amnesia"
It's safe to say that bucket of tequila night can NEVER HAPPEN AGAIN.
That makes the second boyfriend of hers that I've fucked. I'm gonna start keeping an eye on every guy she even speaks to. Girl is my sexual rabbit's foot.
I don't think we had sex because when I woke up he was still wearing the chicken suit.
No you don't understand. This tree is really alive. Like in Pocahontas.
I just did a booty-call caliber shave job in preparation for this weekend. Fuck being ladylike; I'm tryna get LAID-ylike
10/10 dentists agree that he is one bangable mother fucker. hint: i am all of these dentists.
I can't even spell what he said he was on. And I had to call 4 people before someone had heard of it.
She's Jesus crazy. And one if not more other forms of crazy. She's 2.5+ crazy.
But I thought it was so funny last night
You also thought you were a gypsy mermaid last night
its times like this i wish i didnt have a penis
Yeah but the jokes on her right? We just got a new couch and hers still has a cum stain on it from like six months ago
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