When you get home we need to compare our schedules and set up masturbation slots. I'm scares of you walking in on me. Again.
He tried to cuddle with me after we hooked up and i just looked at him and said why are you still here?
Be prepared to possibly be invited to a fancy strip club breakfast on Friday and be prepared to say yes.
I let a guy with dreads drive my car, then demanded he take me back cause I don't let strangers drive my car, while repeatedly apologizing for being a cock block.
its been so long even thinking about having a dick inside me makes me sore
I think after that blow job he got the other day he'd set himself on fire if I asked.
There's strippers and bear every where so ether you gave me the wrong address or this is the coolest birthday party thrown for a seven year old ever.
I know everytime I get my paycheck I'm like "I should probably renew my gym membership" and then I just buy more alcohol
He started humming whilst eating me out. At first it was weird, but my new motto is now don't knock it before you've cum from it
apparently my new 420 ritual is to look at the clock at 4:20 and realize i'm already too high
well i don't NEED my liver but it's nice to have one when you're trying to have a good time
I'm moving out of my place and I just gave my mom a couch that I had sex on last night. Reduce, reuse, recycle at its best.
This feels more like a conference of all the people I've fucked in the past year.
I was informed this morning that I took all my clothes off and ran around the whole apartment complex. Being as they just moved in, welcome to the neighborhood.
She was pretty impressed that I led all thirty of us back to campus in my state of drunk. Evidently so impressed that she now refers to me as "Moses" in bed.
Randomize
