yeah i like to chase my xanax with prozac and then viagra. you're up...and then you're UP
I'm sorry that you don't think that "Daddy Issues" are a real thing, but I can tell you that some assholes who never went to their daughter's dance recitals are responsible for getting me laid...continuously.
Apparently when he woke up I was tripping my face off. Everytime the cat meowed I would meow back. This went on for several hours.
Someone just proposed in Subway. Trying not to laugh.
On the couch having a debate with the dog over whether eating anothr sweet roll will make the hangover better or worse
In your drunken brilliance did you make bagel with what appears to be mac and cheese smeared on top and pink icing dip? Because if so it is sitting on the counter
whatever, you made your decision to be a responsible student and where did it get you? a pushed back exam and no blowjob.
Probably not well advised, but you're welcome to stop by if your not ready to end your night. You know, for Thanksgiving's sake.
We just won 1800 at the casino and are going to the strip club. Who gives a fuck if it's 5pm
The last time I saw you, you were giving the stripper a lap dance.
Hurry I'm alone dressed like a prostitute eating French fries.
Do you know how hard it is to have sex on an air matress while there are people sleeping in the same room?!?!?
If I ever say "I'm never drinking again" just hand me a bottle of jack. I'll snap out of it.
I just had to ask my drug dealer to "keep it simple for me". Is this a new low?
We've done worse things
Stand and applaud for me. I have successfully masturbated in a Walmart changing room with the door wide open during normal business hours. I lead a very Charmed Life.
Randomize
