I think i peed on brittanys purse
How young is too young to ask my kid to make me a drink?
found some acid from a couple months ago while looking through christmas lights. Looks like santa came early this year.
Is it bad that on the course evaluation it said "do you normally try harder than other students in class" and i circled "absolutely false"?
I literally stabbed myself so I had a valid reason to get out of having sex with her
can you call in chlamydia to work? like if the antibiotics they gave you for it are giving you the shits...
we agreed that it was acceptable to get the cat high as long as we gave her a lot of food.
it's my birthday, i should be around people i want to fuck
I ate all his french fries. He was no longer useful to me.
I've been called an asshole for a lot of things in my life, but I never thought it would be because of potatoes
What's an appropriate outfit for wearing to hangout with a girl you've talked to once, and had a 4way with?
If you ever feel goofy just think of the fact that I just shaved the batman symbol into my pubes
You said too many real things and now I need to crawl back inside my protective fort of sarcasm, being an asshole, and sass
You were telling everyone in the bar that Jess gave you scurvy.
I know it's New Year's Eve but if you're going to have a bunch of chicks playing strip go fish in our apartment I need a heads up.
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