Nothin says happy bday jesus like a shot with your loved ones.
Changing from sweatpants to jeans at 3 in the afternoon makes the day seem so much more productive than it actually was.
Do you remember calling yourself Captain Cockblock and openly giving out everyones sexual history? Because you did.
So just to get a feel for things...how prone are you to male Amish strippers...
Numbies before the dentist, such a good idea.
How is it that you get into at least one taco related fight a year?
He woke me up for a 10am bootycall. he was already drunk when he got here and when we were fucking, bagpipes started playing amazing grace outside of my window!! I love Boston on st. Patties day!!
He should be castrated
Nah he might accidentally come while they're cutting it off. Wouldn't be fair to the surgeons
That man deserves a slow clap... He defied the power of the vagina
It sounds like drunken magic sprinkled w narcotics
I work 80 hours a week to prevent myself from just laying in bed and masturbating all day. It's a hands off strategy.
You and your dick were a topic of high regard tonight
I wanted to give everyone gifts as they left the house... So when your wondering where most of the christmas ornaments are I'm really sorry.
Look, if it comes down to it, I’m spraying whipped cream on your nuts
She shouldn’t care what consenting adults do behind closed doors
You do realize it was her husband you were hooking up with behind that door, right?
Randomize
