So I thought I was slick leaving his room this morning all incognito. Little did I know I was wearing his football jersey with his name across the back... stilettos & my bra was left behind. never seeing that again
I'm hiding behind a bush in mens clothing next to a ducks crossing sign. There are joggers. Please hurry.
Just suggested things for my dad to get my mom for Christmas in terms of "yeah you'll get laid."
i'm going to look back at this as the time of my life when i casually dated that autistic guy
before we left she put a post-it on the floor next to the toilet saying she was a pretty pretty princess
They won't let us do straight shots of 151 since that guy lit his face on fire.
Night just started and I've already seen a woman headbutt a brick wall. Unintentionally. Epic to say the least
You sat on a wall pretending to be a gargoyle before shouting "batman!" and jumping at me
I'm the drunk Des Moines deserves, but not the one it needs
Don't worry, I could have been accepted their by waving my dick at the admissions building.
Martha Stewart has had a one night stand and is unsure if she's had a threesome. I no longer feel slutty.
His cat kept scratching my feet while we were having sex. There's only room for one pussy around here. It also concerns me that he owns a cat.
I just got winded making my bed. How do you think the workout plan is going?
Woah don't start going all boyfriend on me now, you're here for one thing and one thing only and that's sex, hot shameless sex.
I really prefer to do my walks of shame in the summer
I love how we can bond over the fact that we're the only ones who think the guy I drunk hooked up with looks like Voldemort
Randomize
