i caught a guy at work today stealing condoms. i let him go when i realized that they were extra small.
If she sucks any more cock I swear she will be a spermivore
phil was outside the bar last night, sitting on the ground playing songs on a guitar hero guitar to people walking by for money...best version of free bird ever
tagging him in all 73 close-ups of your cleavage might have been a little obvious.
Just got a lapdance on the metro. She said she was on maternity leave and needed the practice.
i think i can safely say that is the weirdest thing you've ever propositioned me with. so obviously my answer is yes.
Pulling over on the side of the road to set off fireworks was the worst idea you have ever had. I don't care if it was called a friendship pagoda.
Reunion weekend was a success. Had 3 ex's inside my vag. Hat trick!
To be fair, I'm probably one of the better candidates for the role of 'baby daddy' in this town
I'm not saying I haven't been that drunk. I'm just saying I haven't been that drunk and then have cops buy me shots.
It was super embarrassing when I had to tell my brother, in front of my mother, that my wifi password was Drinkupbitches. Thanks for providing that lovely family moment.
I'm bringing my passport in case we get drunk and wind up in Mexico
You don't feed me, fuck me, or fulfill me.
He looks like Aladdin, and that's about all he's got going for him.
I am not even ashamed to say it, I got laid in the stairwell of the hotel, by a 29 year old. It was awesome!
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