our cab driver is having phone sex.
Yes, I am watching The Hills Have Thighs. And yes it is a porno remake of The Hills Have Eyes. And, again, yes, lesbian sex in the desert. Get the sand out.
You asked my mom "who the fuck drives four hours to sleep in a guys bed and not touch his penis"
Sucks about the cops last night
to be honest when I first looked up I wanted to know who was coming from a costume party..
You kept trying to hail an ambulance
They finally caught us and banned us forever, but it was worth it because we didn't have to pay for light bulbs for at least 3 years.
So you stole light bulbs, from your favorite bar, and got banned, and you're happy?
Look we couldnt pay for light bulbs and ramen, and you can't eat light bulbs or cook in the dark. Win - win.
Another development in my life...I think I pulled a muscle in my neck from vomiting this weekend.
You know you are high when you are so glad it wasn't your freshly buttered raisin bread that fell on your foot. It was your $400 Ipod
Do you remember the bathroom attendant when he put out his hand for a tip and you gave him a high five?
well it was great until i saw his anime body pillow
I didn't know that all of his brothers would be hot and musical too. That's a dick move on behalf of biology.
Oh yeah, you are a real peach except for shitting uncontrollably and bleeding out of your face.
You seem to be avoiding the poop question. How did you poop on your hand?
This may sound strange but do you have my pants?
You tried to trade them for some girls skirt... So she has them...
Long story short wrist restraints, Apple Watch and cumming all don’t mix
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