??? When I first met her at the bar, she told me she was 23. After I bought her 3 shots of tequila, she told me she was really only 21. When we went back to my house, she said she was really only 19. She's still sleeping next to me butt naked. I'm afraid if she opens her mouth again I could be looking at 10 years.
She threw up in my garbage can last night and walked home with it this morning so she could clean it out...
She is dropping it off on the way to the bar at 7.
I'm laying outside on my patio attempting to get sun with a puke bucket next to me... This is dedication to the tan my friend
We are going all out this weekend. My liver is already smiling.
Going to rent a magician for when I eat shrooms. How has no one thought of this?
I just found a tail you can wear naked. Via a butt plug. Who ever said the internet was a good thing?
So I went to daintily fall onto my bed like I was in a hotel commercial and I completely missed my matress and landed on my floor. Just thought u should know.
Yea. It was an issue. Great time though. Apparently I went through the coat check, put my coat on and forgot I had it so I tried to go through again and just didn't understand why thy weren't helping me. Dave coat checked his pants.
Was it you who made out with a toothless guy last night?
Much like Dre, I was forgotten about.
Opened the browser on my phone to a web search for midget birth rates per capita. A good night.
I just found (and ate) a chunk of a reese's that fell between my boobs. Problem is that I finished those off 3 days ago in a drunk induced sob session... Has it really been that long since I changed my clothes?!
He said it only counts if it ends up on the internet
she said that no one there was hot enough for her so she then proceeded to give the passed out person a lap dance because he was "her type."
uh why is my bathtub filled with kool aid? or is that blood?
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