I drank like a thousand beers last night and my poo is solid, not gross like usual. I think this means I've grown up.
Do you think there is vodka in heaven?
you let me eat a milky way from your vagina. G is not lettin you hang out for eternity
so I think I'm done having sex with her, she's way too crazy
what about the blowjobs for adderall?
no those are still okay
i really need to stop putting makeup on my cats..
Just saw a dude in a banana costume get beat down by a one shoed black dude wearing a kilt...paninis is such a shit show after 10 on a Saturday
You were so excited to be getting 4 tickets to the Whale Rodeo.... That high
I was talking to another guy at the bar last night and all of a sudden a flying piece of Sausage lands on my boobs. Then I hear my boyfriend yell, "just marking my territory."
Im just using you for your dick and your superb survival skills if needed.
Just introduced myself to a group of people and one dude said "You're Marc!? I've heard many a legend of you." I raised bottle of champagne, said cheers, and drank with them.
gay sex achievement: unlocked
what
you told me you were going out for groceries!!
My date bailed but I got to take a nap so I'm cool with it.
You gave me the best orgasm of my life. I'm buying you a house
My vagina doesn't have a refer a friend program. You don't get $25 for getting your friend to have sex with me.
Somehow I went from sitting in a car upside down to waking up in the grass surounded by paramedics. It was a great night.
My bookbag can hold 30+ beers. They shoulda put that on the tag bc its a big selling point
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