i am a beautiful darrk chocolate womann
honey you're def caucasian
i am a beautiful white cholcllate woman.... Z
Convinced the bartender that I'm a congressman. Free Drinks. God bless America.
I just made $100 from people paying me not to get naked at the party... I need those P90X dvds
there's no such thing as luck on your birthday, only drunken invincibility, make it happen
drunk me just left notes all around the apt to remind shitfaced me that i have mashed potatoes in the fridge. do not take them down if you come home before me.
I WILL MAKE A FLYING LEAP FOR YOUR DICK WHEN I SEE YOU THROUGH THE WINDOW
My only downfall is that I can only take shots in twos.
But I swear to god if I'm awkwardly there while you try to have sex with someone again I'm getting high with your dad
I should not be allowed to be in possession of a fifth and a phone at the same time.
Normally, it will inspire me to work. Today, it's inspiring me to masturbate.
I really need to stop sending pussy pics if I'm going to be running for state representative in November
I cannot belive our party caught on fire
The bad thing is that I bled through my bandages last night and keep finding blood around the house. It's almost like a scavenger hunt for solber me. I get to find out where drunk me went.
he passed out in the backyard and we used christmas lights as extension cords for the clippers to shave his head.
At some point you said you just wanted to get laid, so we had a moment of silence for your dead sex life...
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