last night i used 411 to try and contact britney spears.
dollar well spent
he made me have a moment of silence for the half of my ice cream cone i threw away.
I'm really starting to miss his dick. Like so much I'm actually tempted to try and work things out with him again.
"Don't get as drunk as I was on my birthday" has been upgraded from a goal for Friday night to a goal for my life in general.
isnt this the same guy you hooked up with on his birthday and he then asked, "you were at me birthday?" the next time you were together?
I have acquired 14 pictures of hard dicks tonight... I was on a mission. Don't even pretend you aren't proud.
I drove your lawn mower home. Hope you don't need it tonight. I'll bring it over tomorrow.
holy fuck that shirt looks so good on him, it was like he was born with it on. that shirt deserves a blow
That's the best thing about having gay dads, you don't gotta do shit on mothers da and everybody is down wit getting wasted on mimosas at brunch
I just got a lap dance from a sexy cop in return for giving him his sunglasses back. I think this is going to be the beginning of a really great friendship
I was just giving a mobile app demo to a client, on my iPhone, when a reminder alert appeared across the page blinking "12pm: go home and give John head". You're an asshole
Hahaha oops.
This drunk girl kept yelling for water so I dipped a cup in the toilet and gave it to her. She was thanking me all night.
Should I wish him a happy birthday?
Well he has been inside of you enough times that you probably should.
I kicked down a wall in rage and found a door behind the drywall. Once again vandalism solves all my problems.
I could be doing way worse things besides texting him 'come over and bang my headache away'. i could be on meth
Randomize
