My jaw hurts. Such a slutty injury..
this is like black Friday for my dealer. I'm literally standing in line.
It's like alcoholism for beginners at my kitchen table.
Oh nbd. She just had sex with a divorcee. On a charter bus. At 10 a.m. On a Thursday.
i'm half naked talking to a cat. you don't have to justify your life to me.
If we go out with the 22/23 year olds we should make t a double date. I don't want to endure the judging looks of the public as I rob the cradle alone.
You sent me snap chats of you guys having sex. Like plural. It was like flip book porn, I'm traumatized.
Dude if i sent you a picture of the inside of my fridge would you be able to break down and explain everything that was in it?
Just got tinder matched with my COMM TA. Game on.
There is a Victoria's Secret pageant on right now with Taylor Swift singing in lingerie. I didn't know a penis could get this erect.
GUESS WHOSE BEST FRIEND IS OUT OF PRISON!
Why would you keep yourself in a sharting situation
Wait is this place where the strippers are missing teeth and I think one is missing a thumb? Though I don't know how she would maneuver on the pole without a thumb. Pls advise.
Cover for me. Stopped at Chris’ for a quickie. Broke a high heel and there’s jizz all over my black dress. Fuck pornstars for making workday sex look easy
I feel like 20 angels jizzed in my mouth. This cupcake is DELICIOUS!
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