u know whats better than using ur vibrator? using it w/ jeopardy on in the background and half moaning the correct final jeopardy question. yeah that just happened.
everyday i become more and more impressed with my facebook stalking skills
i like being sick. whatever the doctor gave me is awesone. the walls are waving at me. i never want to get better.
The size of her vagina has nothing to do with the size of her heart bro
I wonder when walk of shame thursdays in the rain will finally make me stop drinking.
he was inside of, then got up said "we don't want you having a baby," grabbed his car keys and left. so now i'm just sitting on his bed, wondering if he's coming back.
Is it bad that I'm tracking my period with Instagram pictures?
He pushed a skinny white blonde out of the way just to tell me "you have the finest ass, like ever."
I have never loved a nerdy white boy this much.
I've realized that I'm going to have to wake and bake every morning to make it through the summer without killing someone. This is ridiculous.
What if for Halloween I paint my self gold and make sandwiches for everyone? I'd be a trophy wife! Get it?
He said that he made a girl squirt to the ceiling and I got curious
Ain't no cockblock like hearing the word"HOOODOOORR!" shouted from the bedroom floor while in the middle of sex.
The minute he showed me his Mumford and sons tattoo is the minute i could literally feel my pussy dry up
woke up to find a case of beer in the oven and a random puppy in the house...guess i had a party last night?
I love Texas men! TSA agent found my vibrator, nodded approvingly, and said, “You have a nice night, ma’am” with a cowboy accent. I almost made out with him on the spot
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