i get turned down more than a collar. where are the desperate bitches i need to crawl to them
We're gonna have to suck it up and start making out for free drinks. No homo. I'm watching Tyra "I kissed a girl and I got free drinks."
Let's do it. All homo
So is chris hansen cool in person? Or is it just awkward while you wait for the cops?
Asian chick on skype stripping for me. Hold on give few min
We walked in and found his glass coffee table broken and you in the bathroom throwing up saying "What a bad first impression."
He drives a BMW. I have to fuck him. Girl Code Rule #26.
he got kicked out of the bar for falling asleep on the mechanical bull.. then freaked on us cause we wouldnt go to the strip club with him
You stole my camera, took a picture of yourself and said "that's beautiful, just as beautiful as our waitress".
I'm about one sudden movement away from being able to cross "throw up in a fortune 100 company's bathroom" off my bucket list.
I told him if he wanted to lose weight he had to learn self control. Less than ten minutes after that I ate a cookie off the floor...
Can you get snapchat back so I can show you all the places I threw up in/on last night?
All I need is a morbidly obese man masturbating at the other end of the car and I'll complete the CTA Horror Trifecta.
Drunk him got in a fight with his wife he literally bought a plane ticket and flew to Hawaii. He just called me and asked why I let it happen. From Hawaii hahaha.
I quit doing blow for him. If that doesn’t say “I’m in love with you and want to marry you” idk what does
I'm not gonna lie. I need sex like plants need water right now. I just need the dick.
Randomize
