respond to me or i'm telling everyone that you inserted a vodka soaked tampon into your anus
Do you remember that blonde girl he brought home from the bar on Friday night? She didn't leave until Monday afternoon. We didn't even know she was still in his room...what a sketchy weekend.
St Patricks Day is not the day you decide to have a sober epiphany.
I apologize for getting really drunk, taking off my shirt, bitching someone out, crying, and breaking something at your party next weekend...
Learned a valuable life lesson last night. It's titled "Tequila: Still A Bad Idea".
Im at target. Idk why I'm buying condoms AND a tutu for my cat. No one who dresses their cat up has ever gotten laid.
While you were hooking up with her I pulled you off to make sure you knew what you were doing.
You said you were "testing the product for Chris."
I'm a bad man.
Guess who has two thumbs and just fell outta his car and almost peed himself
Finally buying a camera. Missed out on recording a 3way last night. Hindsight. Ugh.
I just pictured ballsacks being shoveled into the furnace of the Titanic.
I'm giving head in a stairwell, I'll be back in a few minutes. I'm so ashamed.
On a side note, my ex husband offered to buy me shrooms
I paper cut my nipple reading mail topless
You ran outside mistaken the snow for sand and started screaming "WHERES TH BEACH"
Omfg I just White Claw shamed a Girl Scout Cookie mom and I feel SO BAD.
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