i love rice pilaf. whoever invented that i would give them a hug.
The last thing i remember was high fiving everyone on the planet.
Hes sobering up now. He was just really bad for like 45 minutes. He cried while he was telling me how he pictured us eating hotdogs on the beach together..
We had to introduce ourselves in ethics class. This guy stood up said I'm mark, I love sluts and Jack. Then just sat back down. Hero status.
This exeeds the amount of high I planned on being.
you're wrong. we DID have sex last night. just ask your roommate. you seriously don't remember him asking to join us?
Housing came buy and confiscated our shopping cart :(
Ever have those mornings where you just can't wait to puke in the shower?
The entire time I'm blowing him she's in the back seat lecturing me on the reasons why you're not suppose to do that while they're driving...
I couldn't find the bathroom last night...so I wrapped myself in the curtains and stuck my butt out the window and peed from two stories up. Thank god I don't remember.
Your friend, the one I told I would brush his teeth with my tongue, what's his name again?
What do you want to swallow. Press 1 whiskey press 2 rum
Hey you remember last Super Bowl when I sent you a pic of my testicles? Memories...
sorry there isn't a 'perfect ass' emoji
What?? I could've slept with an ordained minister!
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