Tonight must have been good, I have already had two cups of coffee but still couldn't figure out how to operate a door.
Dude you can sell sperm for 100 to 250 bucks a time. And the best part is there will be kids all over the world that will have me as a daddy. It's like I'm jerking off my way into ruling the world
If a man's penis is referred to as "the family jewels" does that make a woman's vagina a jewelry box?
Used a cardboard box as a pillow and a towel as a blanket. Its like the great depression over here
no you went to jail because you don't know how to whisper when offering a cop a blow job. I'm sure him having a chick partner didn't help.
thats why a responsible adult always keeps some facial hair just in case they need to shave a hulk hogan mustache for midget wrestling...
I'm stealing this baby.
Well I always support illegal activity but where would you put it?
I have reverted to folding laundry while watching porn. how much sadder can my life get?
sometimes u just have to say fuck it and help a straight sixteen year old break into her uncles gay bar.
The neighbors outside are screaming at one another about God knows what and everyone is too scared to go outside and we NEEd more beer
I told her my blood type was O Positive and we started making out. Bio majors are weird.
The cop let us off with a warning because I had more Twitter followers than he did. The future is terrifying.
he answered his phone during sex and left to go help that drama queen with her latest bullshit. I'm drinking all his vodka. it's asshole tax
What's the policy on calling guys who have kids daddy...
Drunk me also decided it would be funny to change all the passwords on my computer last night. Now I can't log into anything.
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