after drinking 6 jumbo margaritas he then proceeded to tell the entire restaurant that he was going to "bust a load in me" when we got home....how do you think the rest of my night went?
The stories of what you did in Cuba got home before you.
I can't wait until weight watchers comes out with a beer
I made a google map for "places I got blow jobs"
tell that swedish kid i didnt take his shotgun. he GAVE it to me.
Are you in a cab?
I'm close- can you order me a bowl of vodka?
I was the only one at the party that didn't get their name taken by the police. I'm convinced that I'm the main character of Ferris Bueller's Drunken Adventures.
By getting lucky do you mean I get one of your incredible BJs or you not killing me by the end of dinner?
I can't handle dick pics with conversational captions
i found you in bed eating fish fillets dipped in chocolate pudding
Sex with him is like pizza, it can be shitty but its stillll pizza.....
I will feed you tacos. I will touch your butt. Happy Valentine's Day ❤️
DO NOT TOUCH THE SOAP ITS HAD SOME UNORTHODOX USES WITHIN THE PAST 15 HOURS
Woke up in the hospital naked with my id's taped to my chest. Also apparently puked on two guys, two girls and an escalade (at the same time). Good night.
I was told I was gorgeous and a whore by the drag queens. My night is complete.
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