You would DIE at the bar we're at right now. All indian/asian med students, I swear
Asian doctor ratio. So hot. I would've gone into heat
Ambien. No doubt about it.
Di me a solid and hit me with your car.
He told me he could read braille... with his tongue. So I took him home. I don't think he was lying
it was only during my walk of shame that i realized i was wearing the exact same outfit that julia roberts wears on the dvd cover or pretty woman. prostitution is my destiny.
i'm satisfied with the level of pretty that his new girlfriend isn't.
Just had a handjob preempted by a huge bolt of static electricity leaping from her fingertip to my sack. I hate this time of year.
do you think semen can infect my impacted wisdom tooth
ur not supposed to find someone to make out with when ur bf takes u to his SISTERS house to hang out with her and her husband
I'm drunk in a field. the chupacobra is going to eat me. if I die serve vodka at my funeral.
How do I ask where the Jello shot cups are at Walmart without sounding like white trash?
EVERYTHING IS DISNEY. Even my sexting can lead to Disney.
I have a present for you
Like a legit gift, not just me showing up and getting naked
it's the international house of making me almost fucking shit myself
He woke me up at 6:30 to have sex again and afterwards, he didn't even judge me when I asked him if he wanted some rum. I think I found my soulmate.
Randomize
