come home now. i got a twizzler tangled in my hair again
mom and dad sent me an easter basket full of beer pong supplies again.
when she asked me if it was possible to swim under north america i knew it was time to leave.
Well the party says they're going to have three kegs and four trampolines. I think I'm going to invite my EMT buddies just to be safe.
She was about to go down when you guys iced me. Thanks bro
I wonder if I could sublet my bathtub to anyone.
you know its summer when you wake up on the toilet
I actually took a sword out of your hands. You were samurai slashing lemons to make chasers.
I beat my mom's friend's boyfriend in a vodka chugging competition. Our generation FTW.
I don't even know man. I was to busy having beer showered on me and grabbing some balls
Yelling at the starbucks lady to write Beyoncé on my cup
If throwing a bottle across the bar, hitting a skank in the head and not getting caught was an Olympic event, you'd bring merica the gold every time
I fucked R2D2 last night. I consider Star Wars day a success.
All my female reproductive organs were screaming HELL YES last night.
He's got a big dick, a steady job and tells me I'm pretty. There is litterally nothing else I look for I a guy.
Randomize
