too bad you can't see the clap by looking at her face.
she is a standing ovation.
She told me she was selfish for not giving me a blowjob... I couldn't agree more.
My dora the explorer band aid does not cover up the shame i feel right now
Last thing I remember was you straddling a guy in a wheelchair on the dance floor.
FYI the landlord called, said we need to clean the puke off the side of the house...was someone on the roof lastnight??
Had to. She was getting married in 2 days & her vag was having a close out sale. You know I love a good bargain.
So are you still down for me to come stay with you and just have sex on vicodin all weekend?
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Confidence is key. All I had to tell him is I'm drinking a bottle of wine and eating chocolate today to celebrate that I love myself. That's how you get a Valentine, my friend.
I was out with the drag queens until 7am. This is the hangover I needed to kick my ass back to sobriety. Dear Virgin Mary, fuck my life.
your blue lips and tongue was their first indication you were probably underage
HEY THERE IS NO AGE LIMIT ON BLUE SLUSHIES
She's like an enigma, wrapped in a riddle, tossed in miller light, inside a question. Nobody can explain a Heather.
we somehow managed to fit a llama, a stripper pole and a hayride all into the same day.
Made it just outside my dorm and yack on the front dirt. Wave to a dad thats staring, continue on my way.
After sending me a dick pic, he asked, "yay or nay?"
I just had a morning three-some with marijuana and a detachable shower-head
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