Buhtt sex?
Hit a parked car with a "property of Jesus Christ" bumper sticker. Wrote out five hail mary's and left it on the windshield.
Hey, 'thunder cock' as proud as I am for you getting laid, could you put a muzzle on her? I have to be up at 5, thanks.
We tried. It's impossible to cum while bouncing on a trampoline. It's like trying to sneeze while keeping your eyes open.
Do you have any idea how hard it is to hit on your nurse while getting an HIV test.
All i really wanna do tonight is get drunk with you and dance on tables. is that too much to ask?
who's job is it to make sure we don't run out of tp since the incident of 09'... Thats right you go get some
He managed to find a wheel chair and a super mario hat, now hes rolling around screaming "real life mario kart!"
Dude. Where are you? There's a hot chick drunkenly dancing on the bar and aggressively taking shots to Pink songs. She looks like she needs a rebound. Get. Here. Now.
FUCK NYC TRAFFIC.
He came so hard that he yelled what sounded like a spell from Harry Potter.
I found her face down on the kitchen floor asking anybody who walked by for Kraft Dinner
The album on my phone containing gross pictures to send when boys ask for nudes is now substantially larger than my normal photo album. Because I send one every night
I'm gonna celebrate Valentines day by watching Bob Ross videos and tripping balls.
I woke up at 6:30 in the morning on the A train on 14th street. You wouldn't know anything about that right?
Nate is still in lock up because when the cop informed me he'd shit his pants in the squad car I declined to post bail.
Randomize
