Anddd after the worst sex of my life, he said.."do you mind taking off the condom, tying it up, and throwing it at the door?" Weird.
so i was eating a special k bar this morning for breakfast and started choking on it so i reached into my bag for water turns out it was liquor.
his electricity got shut off. i felt like a pilgrim searching for his dick.
I dont even clean my room anymore .. i drunk proof it for when i come back smashed with a guy
sarah just described his penis as "like bong-girth." I'm gunna go for it.
Um....sorry for hooking up with your brother last night...
Actually i take that back. You dropped the whiskey last night and broke the bottle. Were even
Everything smells like blood and olive oil.
I got Pilsbury cinnamon rolls for us to have tomorrow, but I don't have the willpower to leave them in my fridge overnight, so I am eating them all and getting us more in the morning
I love you more by the minute
He told her Jesus wouldnt yell curse or degrade her. He'd just simply shake his head and slap the shit out of her
Dude. Stop sending me lines from Hungry Like the Wolf
I just folded my boss's lingerie. I need a drink and a raise
She told me she loved my new hairstyle. I told her its called head head.
It was a blind-side dick pic.
My aunt asked how many piercings I had and my mom said seven and I said nine and that's how my family found out I had my nipples pierced.
Like he legitimately was standing straight up, feet on the roof, not holding on to a moving car.
Randomize
