um i just realized that some of the people at my family reunion look inbred. thats not a good sign.
hahaha beady eyes set close together? defs inbred.
my dads cousin just put a cig in his dogs mouth and says, "look its a commercial for newport!" holy hell i hope im adopted.
According to Glamour magazine, experiencing sexual pleasure helps you live longer. I am dying an early death.
Julian told me all the fish in his pond died and he didn't know when or how. I didn't have the heart to tell him he drunkenly peed in the pond on Saturday as everyone cheered him on.
I just learned you can mail a coconut. I'll be over in 3 days with the rum.
Someone just asked me if ur the girl that fell through the floor. I HAD to say yes.
Hungover snowboarding. Puked off the lift and traumatized a group lesson for kids. Crash course on adulthood.
Yes my plan is to drink the college out of me so i can be an adult by monday
cassie wtf are you alive??! no one has seen you for like seven hours whereeee did you go
IS IT POSSIBLE FOR A GUY TO NOT HAVE BALLS
It was a taxi full of fist pumps and chanting to "face down, ass up". It was that 1% that makes my job worth it.
That man gives me hope. I can't help it. And by "hope" I mean "wood."
hey now, it was 6 bucks for 5 shots. you would have lost your panties too.
I just explained my sex life to the "if you give a moose a muffin" book... Is that weird?
He's listening to "my heart will go on" by himself in the living and its not even noon. MAKE IT STOP.
don't bring your nerd jargon into this conversation about my naked body
I passed out in your bed last night...there maybe a snickers and twix bar under your pillow
Randomize
