Rylan was made in your driveway. Just thought, as godfather, you should know.
Roller skating + drunkeness + peeing = mess
I dated that bitch for 9 months and didnt get as much as a hand job. I met her sister last night for the first time and smashed that...twice
I respect that
This is the time you want your cat to have telepathy with you. To know if the guy downstairs left.
Dude give me 4 good reasons we shouldn't trade girlfriends tonight
Looks like a significant portion of my drinking money just became legal fees.
I THREW AWAY MY VIBRATOR BECAUSE IT INTIMIDATED HIM. WORST. DECISION. EVER
5 am booty call.. And I went I need to gain better control of my vagina
Oh dude, thanks for giving me that liquor last night, except replace 'giving' with 'violently forcing'.
Masturbating on the clock at work is my specialty.
I just duct taped myself into my costume. I apologize in advance if you find me in a compromised position involving duct tape and underwear when you get home tonight
So how'd the job interview go?
well turns out the guy interviewing me was a regular at the strip club where i used to work. Talk about awkward
Just sold our expired ticket for a free night of bowling to a drunk guy downtown for 50 bucks. Ill buy beer on my way home
All I know is that I got to have an orgasm yesterday during sex so nobody can put a damper on my day, NOBODYYYYYY
Lobby closes at 2 AM on Thursday, but everyone walking still wants food... I could run a "Taco Bell Taxi" when I clock off at 2 and charge a dollar to give drunks a ride through drive thru.
Someones thought of a way to afford tuition.
Randomize
