If I remember correctly, I may have been smoking a cigarette on the dance floor. This is the true sign of a douchebag in his native habitat...fmylife
Ive either hit rock bottom or become my own hero.
sorry i walked in and ruined it, but i had to laugh she looked like a pile of bologna the way you had her pinned up on the wall
This is the 4 year anniversary of the last time I shit my pants. Let's get drunk...
nothing cures the holiday blues like an open bar
She played chubby bunny with our cocks.. She got 4
She just kept tellin me God was coming back and he was leavin her with a bag of stale doritoes and shitty friends.
Rent Disney Oceans. Smoke a bowl. Fast forward to the seal section. Then call me.
Did a bunch of gravity bongs and am watched hours of Frozen Planet. There is nothing in the world I want more than to hug a polar bear.
My head feels like Jesus is projectile vomiting hammers on it
Hey, it's all about finding the bright side. And boobs are definitely a bright side.
then he told me my boobs feel like "if you put mushroom soup in a baggie." I don't know how I'm supposed to feel about this.
It must be love. I'm deleting my porn for him.
Considering all of my stomach contents ended up in my center console, I'm a bit peckish.
If I told the doordash driver it's national nudity day, think he'd still report me for being topless at the door?
Randomize
