OH RELAX, IT WAS PITY SEX.....
There's something fitting about a hot in-car interracial makeout to the tune of 'healing the world.' RIP Mike.
i just won a 100 dollar gift card to walmart in a karaoke contest...i love kentucky
I have left a significant number of teethmarks in my prhone. My mouth tastes like tequila and cheddar. Tomorrow already feels fun.
I'm sitting in the middle of them on his bed, forcing them to watch Brokeback Mountain. I am the best cock blocker ever.
She's yelling about threesomes and realllly wants you to come over. Put the pieces together.
hey you knew what you were in for when i showed up with 2 fifths of Jim. plus i left money to pay for a new sink
Walked in on my boss having phone sex at work... and somehow this didnt bother nor embaress him
"Don't get as drunk as I was on my birthday" has been upgraded from a goal for Friday night to a goal for my life in general.
I'm dealing with this like an adult, cupcakes and beer.
There is a 5-year old here fighting 'drunk monkeys'. He tried to knock a drink out of my hand with a plastic light saber...
I WAS a history major. I also WAS a functioning human being. Fuck gin.
Fingerblasting some girl on the deck tryna get her to fuck on a lifeboat
Got my period and a UTI on the same day. Fuck you, Sunday.
boys just don't understand what they're missing out on.
he's missing out on my boobs looking marvelous this evening.
Randomize