It's noon and i am somehow drinking by myself in a jazz tent in broad daylight.
I just walked into his bathroom to see two poops floating... no toilet paper. WTF!?
her moans were so awkward that i kept asking "what" when she'd say my name...
I heard a loud ass thump and then I saw both dogs coming around the corner.... Without him. I went to check out what happened and the dogs apparently pulled him down onto his face, knocking him out.
Not to make her into that kind of girl, but she did have a condom mural
I always figured rock bottom would've involved more hookers
Just saw a guy walking down the street carrying a giant inflatable penis
Just arrived at our party
He gave me such a powerful orgasm I blurted out I love you. This is why just rebouding out of a serouis relationship is awkward.
And I really REALLY don't feel like cleaning cinnamon off my penis tonight.
This is what my life has come to. Drinking champagne alone yelling at the dog because no one wants to hang out with me
She found the planted magnum condom..once she figured it out it was too late.
GUESS WHO STILL HAS BOTH NIPPLES!
I got hella high today and freaked out about life and interest rates
Snow days are when you really appreciate that your neighbor is on your bang roster.
PLEASE LET MY BIRD FUCK YOUR BIRD
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