im at a bar with my dad last night and he got hit on more that I did
You can bone my sister, but I will end our friendship if you write 'LOLERS' one more time at the end of your texts.
so the weed I found in my fridge is actually lettuce. tell jim I need that 5 bucks after all
To think... Somewhere, too drunk by buckcherry is someone's theme song
I watched the entire movie Forgetting Sarah Marshall before I realized it was in Spanish.
winter break is gonna be like a weird mixture of rehab fat camp and holiday cheer.
Correct me if I'm wrong but the photo album titles "cause I've been drankin" and "baby jessica" should not belong to the same person.
Apparently I fed my Plan B to my turtle last night.
His morals are debatable, but his heart or perhaps his penis is in the right place.
His penis is crooked. Right place? Maybe he starts there, but then he slants.
just almost had a panic attack because i couldn't find the granola bar i put in my purse. i miss klonopin.
Fuck yeah GAYNESS
*explodes into glitter*
You wanted to go find him and we told you to sit down cause you kept stumbling. You yelled " I CAN STAND!! It's the walking part I can't figure out!"
YOU DESERVE A GUY WITH A NORMAL DICK DONT SETTLE FOR ANYTHING LESS
You are cordially invited to the annual finals week stress relief drinking binge at our manor this evening
We were in bed, and he looked at me and asked if I'd be weirded out if he took his leg off. BEST.SEX.EVER.
Randomize
