Everyone needs a good pregnancy scare in their life.
Taljing aboutpenisrs w gerruly ska pops
i woke up at 5 am and found myself wrapped in christmas lights that were plugged into the wall.
then again I'm sitting on a tree stump completely naked in the dark listening to some type of glee soundtrack.
what kind of wine goes with anal sex and shame?
my mom just asked if she should wash your furry handcuffs with the lights or darks
Every time I try to stand up the back of my head feels like a bunch of little elves are beating the inside of my scalp with their toy making tools. What disease could this be?
We got naked and peed in the garden. Something about bonding with our new house
I'm sorry I didn't get you anything for your birthday
It's just you didn't get me the fucking bear suit last year
No way hahaha I have zero intention of adding him I wanna just join in on a three some but mostly just be there for moral support and snacks
Why were you doing tequila shots out of Boston Pizza dip containers?
apparently in the middle of sex, i said "i just really love the food network i watch it every day"
its been well over a year and hes still saying sex with me was epic
Jesus fuck. I just hit on him in front of the whole fire department. They hit the sirens and told us to get a room. FML. I can never go back to that fire station again...
Last thing I remember at your house last night is your dad leaning on the beer pong table and saying "you guys can fucking party"
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