wakey wakey hands off snakey
Balcony sex scratched the shit out of my phone. Whups.
My last google search last night was 'vodka swimming pool'.
i got us a cheese tray and a bottle of whiskey
ugh yes i love our date nights
His "hunger Strike for change" lasted 4 days. Hi welcome to my coke binge last weekend....not impressed
she didnt realize that i was putting on the same condom i used the night before with some other girl
Yeah. Rock bottom was him passing out and saying "are you putting a condom on me?" and me covering his mouth and saying shhhhh
My walk of shame was 2 miles of feathers flying off of me, underwear in hand, and a homeless man telling me he'd pray for me. It was gold medal worthy.
Home-made laxative recipe: activia yogurt and tequila shots. Any ratio ought to work.
The Royals are in the World Series. I've never drank so much in one week in my life.
I just need a big sign that says no more penis please hanging over my head at all times
Also, do you have any insight as to WHY I have a note saved from the 17th of June that reads *clears throat*, "you got that swanky blues libido"
I want you to remember that you started masturbating in front of a car full of people. That drunk.
just saw a girl run into an automatic sliding door, back up and try again
You just thought it would be a good idea to show your penis to your best friend. No harm, no foul.
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