i think i've said "don't judge me" 10+ times tonight... is that a bad thing?
yes
... don't judge me
Yeah, but thats the third time she's peed on me.
At some point I made a semi-conscious decision that i was okay with sleeping in my own vomit.
I am sleeping on the floor in your room so if you have sex in here just don't roll on me
Just found out I have to work new year's eve. It's like one final 'fuck you' from 2009.
look what he's done to me, i actually want to be a stripper now.
False alarm I know hes alive because when i tried shaking him awake he pissed his pants and rolled over..
She is just sitting by the bathroom like a little puppy waiting for a knight in shining armor to take her in there to fuck her. New low?
So like 5 seconds in I realize I knew him in 3rd grade and I went limp in his mouth. It felt like I just murdered the last unicorn ever. Going straight never felt like an option till now.
I'm about to sell my hamster for weed money I'll call you in a few
Jesus christmas you are like the Martha Stewart of threeway planning
tom claimed she had a star tattooed around her buttonhole. i am not prepared for this era of skankyness
I was a plus one at an intervention for a person I didn't know.
Not sure what happened last night, but I woke up without a shirt on and cereal glued to my boobs...
I just talked with someone about real estate trends in Atlanta then got three blowjobs in a row. Boom.
Randomize
