Well to be completely honest its more of a 'i wanna do things to you that your parents would not enjoy hearing about' mood
i finally understand why guys leave in the middle of the night.......they got it right
Apparently getting drunk, buying a guitar from your local costco and walking in to an open mic night is not the same as rocking out to guitar hero...
wait can you just look around please? that was my favorite bra and i've already asked like 3 other guys
He ran headfirst into the atm. Thenasmed us what our spirit animals were...he said his was either a dolphin or a cabbage
Sometimes I stop and laugh and think "and these are my actual life choices".
You were talking about masturbating on the phone then said you had to go because golden girls was on then you called me back saying you seen that episode already.
Just walked into McDonald's and a bunch of fat girls gave me a look like I just entered their territory.
Let's just do a victory lap through all of our exes.
Apparently the Massachusetts Bay Transit Authority severely looks down on Chinese firedrills on a public bus
Yeah but the people love.
She had her pubic hair down there shaved into the superman s............. Best one night stand ever.
I woke up on a boat next to an extremely attractive man wearing nothing but a life jacket. Neither one of us owns a boat...
Can we smoke pot out of a menorah?
Left him blackout in the cab, gave 20$ to the cabbie and said drive until the meter said he wasn't getting a tip.
Bangkok has him now.
Going to the eye doctors drunk makes you feel like your doing a sobriety test! They have to know..
Randomize
