if i were reduced to my simplest elements, i would be jizz and glitter.
i hooked up with a boy reading dear john, i have to get points for that somewhere
no he gets major points for having a girl hookup with him after reading dear john
it was like fucking gandolphs beard
then he said "your boobs looked so much bigger on girls gone wild"
I forgot about that,good spring break.
i dont understand blimps. what would happen if they collided would they just bounce off or fall to the ground.
dude how high are you right now?
do you think jeeves would know? you do it. ask jeeves.
Yeah I think we tried to use the shower curtain as a parachute because its tied to my backpack with some string. Dont know if anyone actually attempted it though.
It was a new level of awkwardness and terror. The high schoolers you fuck in the summer should never introduce themselves to your mom and godmother
I think the camel was justified in biting me.
Nothing is more important than the last pool party of the season. Call in sick or gay or something.
Gosh I haven't been pantsless in front of anyone for a while. It's time for me to pick up my game. We need a party. I need some rum.
in other news, i feel like i just shat out all my sins.
I JUST LIKE FLANNEL, NOT VAGINAS! OK?
I want to bone him until his eyes fall out
My "lord keep me from stabbing a bitch" prayer has gotten a lot of miles today
Woke up this morning with a plate of ravioli in my bed. Who says being single can't be fun?
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