I was thinking about him in the shower then i get out of the shower and there was a text from him
its like he has a camera inside of my shower that looks into my brain
I googled "I hate my uterus" just to make sure I wasn't the only one.
yeah i didn't know anyone, but i just walked in with a lit sparkler and wearing a budweiser shirt and someone handed me a beer.
this mall makes me feel like I just rolled a 9 in jumanji and got the stampede card
I don't know which part of you thought this was funny but it's fucked up to wake up in that much fluff and now we don't have a couch. Fuck you.
can't believe I traded a good night's sleep and a midterm for your blurry tits
ever had one of those days where you say fuck it and lick the inside of a bag of chips
I sewed up my pants, stole his girlfriends white shirt, and went to work hungover like a responsible adult.
Would you like to partake in getting high as fuck with your best friend and then proceeding to cry over the shit head guys we deal with?
That edible kicked in right as I was upside-down on that rollercoaster. Fucking.mind.blown.
LIKE ALL I WANT TO CURE MY HANGOVER IS PORKROLL AND LIKE 85% OF THIS COUNTRY DOESN'T KNOW WHAT IT IS
im bringing home some absinth and some holy water. one way or another things are going to get spiritual.
I couldn't have possibly been that bad
You had her flip the penny over to the lucky side before you picked it up and ate it...
I just tried to lit a bowl with my chapstick.
My hairdresser won’t do keratin treatments because of the toxins, but will put ecstasy up her butt at festivals...
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