How am I supposed to spread my seed with you "modern women" and your birth control?
Just fucked a hooker at a motel in New Jersey. Two states down, 48 to go.
puking up blue gatorade is not as nearly as much fun as it sounds
It feels like Jesus smacked me in the face with the new testament for drinking so much last night
the orgasm was like being thrown to the other end of reality, so getting a nosebleed from it wasnt too upsetting at that point
It'll be like the burning bush except without moses and with pubes.
accidentally stumbled into a construction site at 3am on the way home. The bulldozer was locked so we had to settle for rerouting traffic with all the orange cones...
Cute boy and deffffff wearing a HS shirt. I am getting too old to be inaccurate.
Well. I guess talking about me stealing your wife may not be in the list of legit conversations
well. can officially check "get caught having sex on the front porch by the neighbors" off the bucket list.
your were asleep with people making out on top of you. you didn't even look bothered by it.
It's like the drive of shame on fucking Christmas. Happy birthday Jesus
One day no one will want to send me dick pics so by all means keep 'em coming
I ripped my favorite bra in half last night while I was undressing in a drunken rage.
What was the rage all about?
He wouldn't stop to let me get McDonald's french fries.
I passed out in your bed last night...there maybe a snickers and twix bar under your pillow
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