My mom came into my room and told me to flip off the tv. I gave it the middle finger. Note to self: STOP SMOKING THIS SHIT
I thought smoking would make her look better, but all it did was enlighten me to her snaggletooth
Sounds like a blessing in disguise
9 of the 12 girls i had sex with in college are on facebook
it was an ugly road back then. i'm sure time hasn't been friendly.
He was doing push ups, crunches and jogging in place in front of the restaurant. I'm not too sure I want to eat there if it requires immediate exercise following the meal.
I'm like a wolly mammoth down there. what do I tell him?
Lesson learned. Never get fingered on an airplane.
There are regrets in my world today- mostly jager at that fucking altitude
To drunk to make oatmeal. I'm pouring it into my mouth and gargling it with beer. Ive made maple brown sugar bud light
i have at this current moment imbibed enough alcohol to float immerse or otherwise submerge a goat of respectable size. tequila
At some point during thanksgiving the image of me pooping on ur moms chest will come to you. Your welcome!
Thank you. Next to bondage, soft American Apparel t-shirts are the best things you've taught me about.
Hi please disregard the last text and if you'd like our entire interaction
Done
the worst part about living alone is not having other peoples snacks to mooch off of when you havent gone grocery shopping in three weeks. i'm so pms-y i'm about to eat a soy sauce packet
At least I got steroids and a baguette out of the deal
Can you recommend a quality dick? I haven’t had a good sexing in a while
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