By the way, shout wipes are a gift from god for people that throw up on themselves.
And her vagina tasted EXACTLY like a slim jim
I can only be a whore so many days outta the week.
Samesies
You know, it's scary to think that someday I might buy a pregnancy test with pride, not at 2am...
in hindsight, $10 Malibu buckets were a terrible idea...
They normally just get fucked up and see who can hold their hand on the exhaust the longest. It's great
Thanks for putting the blue stuff in the toilet, it made me throwing up this morning more enjoyable.
Just figured out I can wedge my iphone between my boobs so it stands up at a perfect handsfree reading angle. Clearly somebody up there wants me to smoke this bowl while I watch my bieber videos
I needed to do something spontaneous, and since no one had coke this was the next best thing.
You will never be paid again to get drunk and tell off cops without being arrested. Once in a lifetime opportunity
You're right. Fuck my job. I'm in.
I need someone to play with my boobs. Even platonically. I just need a good groping
OH GOOD GOD THE BUFFALO WING SAUCE IS BURNING MY FUCKING CUNT. WHY THE FUCK DID I AGREE TO SPICY AND NOT MILD
She was blowing me like a porn star and all I could think was "you just told me your grandfather is dying in hospice right now"
Just sold our expired ticket for a free night of bowling to a drunk guy downtown for 50 bucks. Ill buy beer on my way home
Accidentally mixed my gin with cold brew coffee instead of cranberry juice. It’s bad. But I’ll finish it. Never leave a fallen soldier.
Randomize
