i have a new swear word: supercalifuckaliciousexpialadamnit
i was watching iron chef and got motivated, so i made dinosaur chicken nuggets
No, I'm a firm believer in "Swallow or it isn't love."
i told him i was sober and he walked away immediately.
My roommate still talks on AIM. What is this middle school?
Yeah he had his two razors labeled "face" and "pubes". Should I be disgusted or impressed?
I said i love rain, just to change the subject, and he said 'id like to do it in the rain'. Dear lord. He doesnt stop
im pretty sure this vending machine only exists when im drunk
Last night was just one giant freudian slip.
You made out with EVERYBODY.
Can I just bleach my life?
I'm sensing a Yuletide blow job in your future and by future I mean tomorrow
I still think he fell and scraped his elbow and lost his credit card buying 8 hot chocolates for hobos
Dude, I just hit your nipple with a bottle of lube while you were wearing a shirt, 10 feet away without my glasses and I only have "not bad" aim?
Hillary said in her victory speech "We're gonna come together". I've got a lib-boner.
He yanked my breathe right strip off in the middle of me riding him.
Love that I’m sending my uber driver a thank you message for taking me home via mcdonalds tonight before I’m messaging my date from tonight! Lol
Randomize
