This is your typical "sorry i got drunk and tried to seduce you into having sex while you were throwing up" text.
Billy Mays died!
I know. And the US is beating brazil...what's wrong with the world?
She has more profile pics than tagged pics. narcissism at its best.
I am unfriending an ex-one night stand because his profile picture is of his wife's ultrasound.
He said I came instead of I'm coming. I wonder if he noticed my state of confusion when I stopped blowing him.
Wasn't he an English major?
370HSSV 0773H read that upside down
what are you doing with your life
Realistically anyone can come I don't care it's Boston what do I own boston? No. I just don't want people who are gonna give me "why are you doing that" kinda look when I take birthday shots out of my birthday babe shot glass necklace.
Ugh I hate you, and the responsible adult life I pretend to have during daylight hours
I just contemplated drinking cheese dip. And by "contemplated," I mean "attempted and was forcibly stopped from."
also Jesus you really need to change your diet. I just washed your baby gravy out of my hair and it's so acidic my hair is damaged. You have killer sperm
Everybodys gonna want to make out w me dressed as big bird
Big bird is like some childhood daddy fantasy come true for carnival
MILK DIDN'T HELP. IT'S NOT HELPING
So there I was, eye fucking the waiter and I spilled beer all down my boobs
My sister just poured me a dbl Ciroc on the rocks and said "the ice makes it festive." Honestly what a role model.
Either im seeing the northern lightgs, someone is having a rave, or im on acid.. Im most likely on acid
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