i friday night watching house. god, i need a life, friends, and a legitimate fake id.
we are driving next to a guy driving and masturbating while looking at a naked magazine. I love LA
All four of us managed to throw up in the same bathroom at different times during the night. I think we'll get along great living together.
they were having a wine tasting so i tasted every wine...then knocked over an entire display of gourmet olives and was asked to leave... but they still let me buy my 6 bottles of wine before escorting me out
That's not how these arrangements work. You don't buy each other stuff unless you break a sex toy. End of story.
He gave me a hug and said "He doesn't deserve you, Anna. Your boobs are great, and I'd fuck you anytime. Any. Place." I need a new 'gay' friend.
I just set a bowl of cap n crunch on fire. That high.
jut tell him gently that you'd rather spend more time with his dick than his face
the manischevitz sangria was a big hit
Good friends go out of their way to crop dust your ex not once but twice. I knew we were friends for a reason
Last night I had a sex dream about Trudeau, he hasn't even been prime minister for 24 hours
You're like the Miss Manners of anonymous gay sex.
Drunk version of me is like a sleeping demon inside of me that awakes to the sound of vodka
Woke up with a glow stick in my boobs this morning. Must've dominated Sunday.
Like sorry your dick won’t suck itself?
Randomize